Why did he change? the confusing end of my dream relationship

i was dating this guy for a few months and honestly in the beginning it felt like a dream. he was the one who asked me out while i was working and he put SO much effort into everything. he planned dates brought me flowers took me out to dinner texted me constantly when we were apart and even gave me a necklace that had belonged to his family.
he’s in the military so we mostly saw each other on weekends. he would even change his train tickets just to spend more time with me. at first he was incredibly affectionate and reassuring. he sent me sweet messages wrote me poems and made me feel really wanted. i was hesitant because i hadn't planned on dating anyone anytime soon and didn't want to get attached too quickly but eventually i let myself fall for him.
and that’s when everything changed.
as soon as i started returning his affection he started saying he had doubts and wasn't sure what he wanted. i was so confused because nothing had really happened between us. i told him he didn't have to know everything right away and that we could slow things down but it felt like something had switched in him.
he became distant for seemingly no reason. one minute he'd be incredibly loving and the next he'd be somewhere else mentally. i never knew which version of him i was going to get.
we went on a 15-day vacation together and his doubts became even more obvious. i kept trying to talk to him reassure him and understand what was going on but it started hurting a lot. sometimes he'd make mean comments about me or get annoyed over really small things. if i asked him for help with something he'd act like i was bothering him even though he used to be so happy to help.
the whole vacation became miserable because of this. he said we "fought" every day but from my perspective it felt like he would suddenly pull away and i'd spend the rest of the time trying to figure out what had happened and why he was acting differently.
i tried so hard to be there for him but he wouldn't actually tell me what he was feeling. i had to guess. i'd bring up different possibilities about what might be bothering him and wait for him to tell me if i was right or wrong. he never really opened up on his own.
when we got home things continued the same way.
one morning i woke up and he wasn't in bed anymore. later that day he spoke to me like i was just some coworker. he saw me crying and didn't even try to comfort me. he'd told me a few times that he struggled to feel empathy for me so i guess part of me shouldn't have been surprised but it still hurt like hell.
that was my breaking point. i asked him if he wanted to break up. he responded "what do you want?" and something in me just snapped. once again he couldn't tell me what HE wanted or how HE felt. i couldn't keep making every decision and trying to guess what was going on inside his head.
i've been crying basically nonstop for a week. i love this man so much and it hurts that things ended like this.
everyone keeps telling me to move on and let myself cry but honestly i don't WANT to move on. i keep wishing he would change. if i had felt certain that he loved me i don't think i ever would've initiated the breakup. that was the hardest part. i never knew whether he actually loved me whether his doubts had anything to do with his feelings for me or whether something else was going on entirely.
i asked him if we could meet and actually talk about the breakup because everything happened so quickly that we never even had a real conversation about it.
should i tell him that i still want to get back together or is it better to let him go?

Last updated on:2026-08-21T20:55:11+05:30