i was getting dressed when my girlfriend came home from work came upstairs and sat down with me. we talked about her day for a little while completely normally and then she told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore. i don't think i've ever felt shock like that before.
we've been through a really difficult period lately. i was away last week with a friend a trip we'd booked six months ago and having that time away gave me a lot of time to think. i realised that all i want is to build a life with her and give our relationship everything i've got. i've struggled with my mental health for a long time and haven't really done anything about it and i know that's affected our relationship. there have been times when i've been distant absent or unable to give her what she needed from me. while i was away i decided i was going to finally take my mental health seriously and do whatever i could to make things better.
before i left we'd talked and i genuinely thought we'd come back to each other and work through things. instead she told me that while i was away she realised she didn't miss me. She actually felt relieved because she didn't have to walk on eggshells around me. that absolutely broke me but i can't say she's wrong for feeling that way. if that's how she's felt then i need to accept that.
the last couple of years have been huge for both of us. we went through IVF together which unfortunately wasn't successful and a few months ago we bought a house together. technically the house is in her name because i've had debt problems in the past and can't get a mortgage right now but we've always treated it as our home. our friends and family think of it as something we bought together. we've been through so much and i can't help wondering if everything we've carried has played a part in how i've been recently.
last night we both cried for hours. she kept telling me that she doesn't want to be with me anymore because she feels like we're different people now. she's also got a lot going on personally and tends to overthink things and feel everything very deeply so part of me keeps wondering whether she's overwhelmed right now or whether this really is the end.
i begged her for one more chance. i told her i would do whatever it takes to become the person she needs and that i don't want to give up on us. she went to stay with her friends last night which had already been planned and she probably won't be home until late tonight. i'm sitting here with absolutely no idea what i'm supposed to do. all i want is to show her that she means everything to me.
i haven't stopped ugly crying since yesterday. i've thought about writing her a huge letter but i don't even know if that's a good idea or if it would just make things worse. i'm also supposed to go back to work tomorrow after six weeks off and i'm a teacher so i have no idea how i'm meant to walk into a classroom and pretend i'm okay when my entire world feels like it's fallen apart.
i'm probably all over the place because this has completely blindsided me. she's genuinely the kindest and most beautiful person i've ever known. she's helped me through so much and i honestly don't know who i'd be without her. we had so many plans for our future and now i'm sitting here wondering how i'm supposed to imagine any of them without her.
she says she still loves me so is there still a chance for us? what am i supposed to do right now? should i give her space try to talk to her write the letter or just wait and see what she wants?
Last updated on:2026-08-21T20:23:12+05:30
Comments (5)
i'd give her some space tonight and hold off on the huge letter. when i was in this place, i kept wanting to prove how much i cared because i was terrified of losing her, but sometimes the best thing i could offer was one quiet day where they didn't have to manage my panic too.
Actively work on your mental health. If she takes you back but you haven’t worked through your issues in depth, you’ll probably end up right back here.
i keep coming back to what she said about feeling relieved and not having to walk on eggshells. when you look honestly at the last year, do you know what she meant by that, or are you still trying to understand what was happening for her?
i've had that moment where the person you thought you'd come home to suddenly says they're done, and the shock is almost physical. after everything you've been through together, especially IVF and building a home, i can see why your brain is desperately searching for a way this can still be fixed.
give her space for now