we were together for just over 3 years. we lived long-distance for most of the relationship but because my work was flexible i made the effort to visit him almost every month.
i’ve been in other relationships before but i had never truly loved anyone until him. i loved him more deeply than i ever thought i could love someone.
about a year into our relationship i moved in with him. the original plan was to sell his house and travel together so i had saved money beforehand. i had enough to support myself while we lived together and then travel for a few months before finding a job. He was financially comfortable and could travel without needing to work.
A few months after I moved in he told me he couldn’t travel anymore because of family commitments. He also decided he couldn’t sell his house because he was too attached to it. By then though I had already gained weight and gone through most of my savings.
I became a recluse. I didn’t know anyone in the area and I had no friends or family nearby. My boyfriend had a strict routine and worked from 9am until 9:30pm six days a week. I applied for over 400 jobs in the area but kept getting rejected because I was either overqualified or they could hire someone younger for less money. I even applied for basic supermarket jobs and still couldn’t get anywhere.
Eventually I became embarrassed to leave the house. I had gone from having a great job and being completely independent to spending most of my time alone. I was also constantly worried about what his family and friends thought of me especially because I wasn’t working and felt like I was just living off my boyfriend.
Things got even harder when my family situation changed. It had always been toxic but my mum stopped speaking to me for months so I basically had nobody to talk to except my boyfriend at night.
For the last six months of our relationship everything felt stagnant. He stopped calling me beautiful stopped really looking at me and stopped wanting to spend time with me. I asked him almost every day if we could go for a walk but he always said he was too tired. He would play video games every night so I started sitting behind him and trying to get involved just so we could spend some time together.
Our intimacy became almost nonexistent. I went to bed before him and woke up before him and we slowly became more like roommates.
I know I changed too. I became cold and could be mean or snap at him when I was frustrated. The problem was that he never really talked to me about what was bothering him. Whenever I told him I was unhappy about something he would just apologize and shut down instead of telling me how he felt.
Then two months ago I finally got a job.
With my first paycheck I took him on a date and paid for myself him and my siblings to spend a week at the seaside. I got my second paycheck the day before he left me. I was finally planning to start going to the gym and take pole dancing classes and get back to the person I used to be.
He broke up with me a month ago and I’ve been no contact for a week now.
He told me he fell in love with how strong I was and hoped some of that strength would rub off on him but that he didn’t love the version of me I had become.
He also told me he was planning to travel by himself and sell the house. That hurt more than I can explain because those were supposed to be our plans.
I never wanted to be a housewife. I never planned to become dependent on him. I feel like I was pushed into that role by the circumstances we ended up in.
Now I’ve moved back to my hometown. I’m working out getting back into my freelancing jobs and picking up my hobbies again. I’m slowly becoming the girl he originally fell in love with.
So my question is can this relationship be fixed?
Part of me thinks maybe we simply couldn’t make living together work. When we were long-distance we were happy and we were in a position where we could have travelled together. I keep wondering if I could prove to him that I’m still strong and independent and that the version of me he stopped loving was more about the situation I was in than who I really am.
I love him so much and I can’t stand the thought of losing him for good. I want to make this work if there’s any chance.
Was it really the circumstances that broke us or did living together reveal problems between us that were always there?
Last updated on:2026-08-22T04:50:11+05:30
Comments (4)
i wouldn't focus on him, because the relationship took you to a version of you that was not your best one. Plus, he didn't show much capacity for handling conflict together. now that you're back in track you can also try to meet new people? I guess you can still try to talk with your ex, but remember that there's more people out there <3 good luck
this hurt to read, especially the part about him making plans to travel and sell the house after those were supposed to be your plans. do you feel like you miss him and the relationship you had
i'd be careful about trying to prove to him that you're still the strong woman he fell for. i spent months trying to become my “old self” so my ex would want me back, and eventually realized i needed to get that person back for ME, because otherwise every good thing i did still depended on whether he noticed.
losing myself after moving for a relationship and watching my whole world shrink down to one person, then blaming myself for becoming someone i didn’t recognize. getting your job, hobbies, workouts and independence back now sounds huge to me.