My now-ex broke up with me after going through my phone because he thought I was cheating. I wasn’t. I was venting to my friends about our relationship and some of the things they said about him were honestly awful especially comments about his weight and appearance. I did defend him and made it clear that I didn’t agree with them but he was still hurt that I hadn’t been honest with him about how I was feeling.
And honestly I understand that part. I was exhausted from constantly being put in unsafe situations and being around drugs when I don’t use them. I had tried talking to him about these things before but those conversations never went well. He struggles with substance abuse and mental health issues and has put me in some really unsafe situations. Whenever I tried to bring up problems in our relationship the conversation would sometimes turn into him talking about self-harm and I eventually stopped feeling like I could safely express how I felt.
My biggest problem is that I always see the best in people and convince myself I can fix them. I know I can’t but part of me kept seeing the person he was underneath the addiction and believing that if I loved him enough he could become that person. I grew up around people struggling with addiction so I think I learned this idea that if I can fix someone maybe they’ll love me. Clearly that hasn’t worked out for me lol.
We broke up but we stayed in each other’s lives. We were still talking still hooking up and he would tell me that he missed me and loved me. He would say maybe the universe would bring us back together. That was exactly what I wanted. I wanted things to change and for us to become healthier. I admitted that what I said about him behind his back was wrong explained why I had been venting and told him I should have communicated my feelings directly. I really thought maybe we could repair things.
Then he started pulling away. He apologized for being MIA but something felt off. Eventually I found out his ex was in town. They met up on the same night he had last slept with me. That night he held me in my bed told me he loved me and watched me cry. Meanwhile she had been staying at his place since that night and he apparently wasn’t planning to tell me until after she left town. It’s been a month and she’s still there.
I haven’t spoken to him since I found out. What makes it hurt even more is everything I had heard about their relationship. From what multiple people have told me she was extremely volatile. She refused to work took his money hit him and repeatedly told him to take his own life. He had told me himself many times how awful she was.
And now I’ve been told they’re back together.
I don’t even want him back after all of this but I still feel so sad and angry. I can’t stop wondering if those eight months meant anything to him or if I was just there to fill the space she left behind. And of all people her? The person he told me had treated him so badly? We got together only a few months after they broke up so now I keep wondering if I was just a placeholder.
I feel ridiculous for being this hurt especially because I know I never really felt safe enough to express myself in the relationship. There was so much instability and volatility and I knew deep down that things weren’t healthy.
The worst part is that we all have similar social circles so there’s a good chance I’ll run into them if I go out with my friends. I’ve started avoiding weekends because I’m scared of seeing them.
I don’t even know if I miss the relationship anymore. I think I just hate the feeling that I was used to fill the space she left behind.
Last updated on:2026-08-24T16:37:12+05:30
Comments (1)
i was just the person someone leaned on until they were ready to go back to their old life. i knew my relationship was hurting me too, but that didn’t stop me from feeling completely disposable when he chose someone else