i was seeing this guy for a few months and we got really close. it felt like this strange space between friendship dating and a relationship and i became much more attached than i realized at the time.
then he suddenly changed. he became cold and ended things without giving me a clear reason. He told me he didn’t want a relationship that he was selfish and that he couldn’t give me the emotional support i wanted. I believed him and accepted that maybe he just wasn’t capable of what i wanted.
The problem is that after it ended i became completely obsessed with him.
There were sexual experiences i wanted to have with him that never happened and i became fixated on that unfinished feeling. I started fantasizing about those things while masturbating and because the fantasies gave me real sexual pleasure i think my brain slowly started associating him with that feeling.
It turned into this awful cycle. I’d miss him or think about everything that never happened fantasize about finally experiencing it masturbate feel relieved for a little while and then become obsessed with him all over again. Somehow this has continued for almost three years.
Recently i found out something that reopened the whole wound. He’s now with someone i know and apparently they’ve been together for years. Looking at the timeline i now suspect there may have already been something between them when he suddenly ended things with me.
That completely messed with my head.
For years i believed he left because he simply wasn’t capable of being in a relationship. Now i know he was capable of commitment he just didn’t want it with me. I feel lied to replaced and honestly disposable.
I also found out things about his life that triggered the exact sexual curiosity i’ve never been able to let go of. I ended up staying awake almost the entire night obsessing fantasizing and masturbating over it.
Now i have all this anger on top of the obsession. Part of me wants revenge because it feels so unfair that he could walk away move on and apparently be happy while i’ve spent years dealing with the aftermath.
At the same time i know revenge won’t undo any of it. I can’t change what happened or make him care about how much it affected me and i don’t want my anger to push me into doing something that ends up making my own life worse.
I genuinely don’t know what to do with all of this anger. I’m struggling to accept that i may have been lied to and treated badly and that there might never be an apology or any kind of justice. It’s over but my mind still feels stuck there.
The rational part of me knows how disproportionate this has become. We were only involved for a few months yet i’ve kept a version of him alive in my head for almost three years.
I think i’m attached to a mix of rejection sexual frustration unfinished fantasies feeling deceived jealousy and the companionship i had with him. I’m not even sure i’m obsessed with the actual person anymore.
I just want him out of my head. I don’t want him controlling my sexuality my anger my mood or my behavior anymore.
has anyone experienced this kind of obsession after a short relationship?
How did you break the connection between one specific person sexual fantasy masturbation and obsessive thoughts? And how do you deal with the anger of feeling deceived and replaced when confronting them or getting revenge won’t give you back what you lost?
Last updated on:2026-08-26T18:10:01+05:30
Comments (1)
I know it can be hard. Try meditating or doing things to distract yourself. The fact that he could've been interested in that girl you mentioned right before he broke up with you shows that what he meant was that you deserve better. So, go on with your life. Make yourself feel love from other people. Sending virtual hug🫂🩵.