What happened when i broke no contact?

i’ve broken no contact before and immediately regretted it. i got a few minutes of relief, then spent the rest of the night staring at my phone and overthinking every word.

i broke it earlier today. i was explaining that i know that this is for the better for both me and him even though it’s hard. we broke up because he wanted to focus on school and himself and he wanted to do that alone. i told him that i had no reason not to believe him because if he truly loves and cares about me he would have no reason to lie to me. i explained that ill be working on myself during this time because i truly do want it to work out in the future and if that’s not what he wants then that sucks, but i know it will be okay eventually. i told him that i don’t want to move on, but i can’t keep waiting for someone that doesn’t know what they want. im going to hold out hope, but maybe one day that hope will be gone, but right now it’s still there and im not giving up because i want us to be better. i told him that i honestly don’t know if he feels the same way, if he still loves me or cares about me, or if the reason he said he was doing all this was just some lame half ass excuses. i’ll never truly know, but i’m choosing to believe him. he responded and said that like i said we’re both trying to improve ourselves and apologized that he wants to do it on his own. he said that since we’ve been apart he’s seen what i’ve been posting and it makes him happy that i’m expressing myself more. i asked him to answer honestly if he’s just saying “maybe we find each other again” because he genuinely sees a possiblity of us together, or if he’s saying it just because he cares about me. i wasn’t asking him to change his mind or promise anything, i just wanted to know the truth even if it was going to hurt. he said he truly sees a future where we are together, but he doesn’t want me to hold onto that because that’s not healthy. he said “i want you, just right now i want to be alone and focus on my responsibilities.” i told him that was all i needed to hear and thanked him. i told him i didn’t really know where to go from here because i really do want him in my life but everyone is telling me to stay no contact and move on from everything. he said that he’d respect my decision either way, as long as he knows that im doing okay. i told him that im going to keep going and see where im at in about a week or so. overall it went really good i would say. he answered my question and i feel a lot better overall, but everyone is different. it depends on your situation.

Yeah, I broke it because he wrote to me first asking for his cap that he had left at my house, I gave it to him and we met, he didn't even beg me, that's when I realized that he didn't love me enough