When we first started dating everything was amazing. About two months in I moved in with him. Early on I told him about my trust issues because I had been cheated on before. He was understanding and constantly reassured me that he would never give me a reason to doubt him.
So I trusted him. I never checked his phone or questioned what he was doing because I believed him.
Then one day I found a Discord conversation with another woman. He was flirting with her. We nearly broke up but he cried apologised promised to change and I decided to give him another chance because I love him.
I made one thing very clear: no more lies full transparency.
I asked him repeatedly if there was anything else whether there was another girl or anything I might find out later. I told him that I could handle an ugly truth but if he lied and I discovered something later I would leave.
Every time he swore the Discord situation was the only thing.
Then last night I found his ChatGPT history.
Months earlier his university ex had contacted him on Snapchat. They flirted and discussed possibly getting back together. He had apparently been seriously considering leaving me for her during a period when we were arguing a lot.
What hurt even more was reading that one reason he stayed was because he felt guilty about what would happen to me if I left the UK and had to return to my country.
Now I’m questioning whether he actually chose me because he wanted me or partly because he felt sorry for me.
But honestly the biggest issue is the lying.
When I found the Discord messages he ALREADY knew about his ex. He watched me break down over the trust issue knew my history with being cheated on and still had multiple opportunities to tell me the truth.
When I confronted him he said he didn't tell me because he knew I would leave him.
That almost makes it worse. He knew I might leave if I knew the truth so he decided I shouldn't get to make that choice for myself.
I understand that our relationship wasn't perfect. We argued. I can understand questioning a relationship or having confusing feelings when an ex comes back into your life.
What I can't understand is flirting with her discussing getting back together hiding it then later getting caught flirting with someone else and STILL not telling me.
Last night I completely broke down. I cried so hard that my vision went white for around two minutes my legs gave way and I struggled to breathe. We're now sleeping in separate rooms.
And somehow I still love him so much.
I genuinely can't imagine my life without him but something inside this relationship feels completely broken now. I don't know how I'll ever hear “trust me” from him again without remembering all the things he was hiding.
So I need some outside perspective:
Was what he did with his ex emotional cheating?
Does “I didn't tell you because I knew you'd leave me” make sense or does it make the betrayal worse?
Can trust really be rebuilt after someone repeatedly lies even when you directly ask for the truth?
Would couples therapy be worth trying?
And if you genuinely loved someone but felt like your trust in them was completely destroyed what would you do?
Last updated on:2026-08-31T20:29:11+05:30
Comments (3)
that “i knew you'd leave me” part really says a lot. if you hadn't been afraid of losing him, would you still want to rebuild this relationship, or does it feel like you're holding onto the version of him you thought you had?
truly , I can see from both sides
from his side I feel like he doesn’t love you, he loves the idea of having you beside him accepting every mistake he makes which is why he had the thought of “she’s gonna leave me if she finds out” but he doesn’t truly love you for the capable girlfriend you can be , it’s like the quote “don’t be a doormat for everyone to wipe their shoes on” because that’s what I’m seeing, you keep letting him apologize and come back in which is a mistake a lot of toxic relationships turn into.
And from your side I see a girl who fell in love with a guy who only showed her the good stuff and not the real things, the real things is yes he does miss his ex but how do we know he would cheat on her the same way he did to you , but that should be your problem anymore and that can’t be your problem anymore because once you fall into the cycle of trusting him knowing he will keep doing the same stuff it will just never end.
now just think about it.
i once stayed after finding out my ex had hidden something big, and the lying hurt me way more than the actual flirting because i kept wondering what else i didn't know.