Why do i feel sad again after moving on?

Hi everyone.
So much time has passed since the breakup that I feel like I’ve genuinely forgotten the relationship. I’ve forgotten my boyfriend. And somehow, just saying that makes life feel so much better.
But I hate how non-linear grief is. I had been doing so well for weeks, and today I suddenly felt like I had lost all my progress because of a piece of candy I found by accident.
I was looking for a hair tie in my room so I could put my hair up and go to the gym. Among all the hair ties, I found a piece of candy he had given me a few weeks before we broke up, saying, “You can eat it later.”
And suddenly, all the pain and sadness came rushing back.
I went to the gym and worked out while crying a little. Now I’m at the beach, writing this under the tree where we tied up a hammock together for the last time.
I told you before that we continued working at the same place after the breakup. I ended up getting fired from there too. I happened to catch my instructor at a very angry moment, and according to my friends, I was completely unfairly fired.
Ever since the breakup, it feels like my life has just been getting worse. I’m going through a difficult time both academically and romantically. On top of that, my friends haven’t really supported me emotionally. When I told them that their lack of support was hurting me, they stopped even messaging me. I haven’t talked to my friends for about 15 days.
My psychologist says that I seem to be doing well.
But today, I came all the way back to the tree where we tied our hammock at the beach just so I could feel a little bit of our old relationship again, and now I’m sitting here crying.
I genuinely don’t know how this is supposed to mean that I’m doing well.
I was happier yesterday. I don’t understand why I feel like this today.
After the breakup, I had actually become very cold toward him because of how uncertain and confusing he was with me. Especially when he told me, “I feel free because I don’t have to tell anyone when I get home.” That was the moment I felt like all my feelings for him disappeared.
But I still can’t seem to get past our memories.
I haven’t been to work for a week, so I haven’t seen him either. Whenever I saw him at work, the way he treated me would make me lose feelings for him. But during this time without seeing him, I’ve started idealizing him again.
It feels like if I went back to work, I’d see my boyfriend there. But at the same time, I know he isn’t my boyfriend anymore.
I think my brain is making our memories seem much more beautiful and meaningful than they actually were.
Maybe I’m feeling this way because I’m going through such a difficult period in my life right now. I don’t know.
I just hope this process ends soon. 🤍

Last updated on:2026-09-01T13:13:12+05:30