we’ve only been NC for 1 day, but I feel a lot better and more secure in myself. getting through 24 hours was especially hard. my ex bf isn’t taking NC well tho, he keeps messaging me and I blocked him on most platforms yesterday (including iMessage) but on my Mac, some of his messages after the block still came through. he was clearly not doing well and just saying he missed me while also criticizing me for going NC. he claimed that I didn’t love him or care for him anymore bc everytime I would break NC and reach out to him he’d respond, but I’m not doing the same.
the issue is that I’ve been fighting the urge to text him and sometimes I got too weak and broke NC. but everytime I texted him it would just suck my brain back in and make things hurt more, then it would lead to us having hours long conversations that just made it even harder to detach. this cycle has happened about 3 different times, where we both tell each other that we miss each other and still love and care for each other, but I can’t get back together with him. in my last message to him I told him that we have to both be strong and actually stick to NC. I told him that I cared about him and would still be there if he needed immediate help.
after that, I didn’t block him for about 10 minutes, and he just kept repeatedly messaging me telling me how hurt he was and how he didn’t want to go NC. plus telling me that I didn’t care about him and didn’t love him because he was always there for me when I broke NC and now I’m not being there for him. he also tried abusing my policy saying id be there if he needed immediate help by telling me he needed help. this has happened before where he just seems to spiral and say anything to get me to respond, then shames me for not responding by saying “he’d never ignore me like this”.
I’m feeling conflicted because I know he’s saying these things to get me to react, but I genuinely feel bad because I feel like he’s raising a valid point about me not being there for him. I don’t want to break NC bc I actually feel good about myself and am better at resisting urges to text, but I’m afraid I’ll get sucked back in if I text back.
should I send him a message saying that I know it’s hard, but it’s the best thing for both of us?
Last updated on:2026-09-08T17:46:11+05:30
Comments (4)
i wouldn’t send another message. you already told him you care and that you both need NC, and you don’t have to keep proving that by responding every time he says he’s hurting.
i feel for you because i’d feel guilty too. when he says he needs help, do you know if he’s actually in immediate danger, or does this usually happen when he realizes you aren’t responding?
we’ve never tried no contact before so no. the messages have stopped so I have reason to believe he wasn’t in danger and just wanted me to respond
i’ve been there, and that first 24 hours can feel brutal. i remember how every message from my ex made me question myself, even when i knew answering would pull me right back into the same cycle. you’re allowed to protect the peace you finally started feeling.