My ex-girlfriend and I separated at the beginning of August because I was moving halfway across the country for grad school. She ultimately initiated the breakup but we framed it as mutual through couples therapy and conversations with some mutual friends.Once I arrived at my new place I realized I didn’t want to be broken up and asked if she’d be willing to reconsider. She suggested we view it as a break and said she’d be open to reconsidering in a couple of months. About two weeks later she told me she no longer wanted to reconsider at that point. She still wanted to stay in contact but preferred it to be scheduled. Shortly after she said she needed more space even beyond those scheduled check-ins so I tried to go no contact.She then reached out asking for advice about a personal issue she was dealing with. Even though we had agreed not to discuss certain details I asked if she had already slept with someone else. She said yes and that completely broke me.We were together for just under three years and lived together for most of that time. She’s now been texting me for the past several days despite my lack of responses. I can’t fully go no contact because of our current living situation—she’s still in the apartment I plan to move back into.I’m not sure what to do. We had significant problems throughout the relationship. When things were good they were great but when they were bad they were awful. I genuinely believed we were making progress in therapy by understanding our attachment styles and improving how we handled conflict. Still as immature as it might sound I can’t get past the fact that she was willing to sleep with someone so soon after the breakup especially while filling her time with work and socializing. She’s said she wanted this period to work on herself but from my perspective her actions don’t match that.I’m not a professional so I don’t know if this points to a fearful-avoidant attachment style but I just wish I knew how to move forward from here.
Last updated on:2026-09-11T22:50:11+05:30
Comments (4)
i think the hardest part for me was realizing i kept looking at my ex’s actions for clues about whether the relationship meant what i thought it meant.
i’d be stuck on this too, especially with her still texting while you’re trying to go no contact. do you think you actually want contact with her right now, or are you mostly keeping the door open because part of you still hopes she’ll change her mind?
that gut punch of finding out your ex slept with someone else while you’re still holding onto the idea that you might get back together. three years together and most of that living together makes that kind of news feel brutal.
What’s the deal with the apartment? If it belongs to someone in your family then kick her out and put your things in storage. If you have to go back because all your stuff is there maybe you could ask your family to move your things for you. It sounds to me like she’s just been stringing you along. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had already been talking to the guy before you left and kept you on the hook in case it didn’t work out or to keep whatever benefits she’s getting from your relationship. What does “ working on herself “ even mean ?