Twenty-one years after a devastating breakup that triggered a major mental breakdown in my youth my ex recently reentered my life. Back then my intense excitement over moving in together spooked her leading her to ghost me for months before officially ending things. I eventually moved on married and had children but I never loved anyone the same way again.
Out of nowhere she contacted me because she’s in town for a concert and wants to get coffee. After a brief apology for how she handled the breakup she began texting me constantly—asking about my current life appearance and relationship while describing her own husband as just "a good friend." Despite my cold defensive tone in texts she keeps reaching out.
Her return has thrown me into a severe emotional spiral. Seeing her thriving while I struggle with my health finances and career makes me feel like a complete loser yet a small part of me foolishly hopes she wants me back. We have coffee planned in two weeks but I am terrified to go and am even contemplating self-sabotaging the meetup just to push her away. I'm torn between asking her true intentions and canceling the meeting entirely to protect my mental health.
Last updated on:2026-09-17T18:56:12+05:30
Comments (4)
All the advice tell you not to meet with her, follow it. There is no need many years later, and an apology does not good. However you need to do healing on your own and this will not solve it.
Don’t meet her. What good can come from it now? I’d take this as a wake up call though that something has to change. The way you described yourself is so sad. Start making some changes so you feel better about yourself going forward.
does it feel safer to ask for the closer on what happened way back in text or in person?
I don't think you are a loser. you are resilient and been through hell and have come back after that. and you treat people with kindness and respect - can you say the same for them? I don't think so
Maybe she wanted to apologise for real.
Maybe she is bored in her own marriage or feeling unseen and insecure somehow, and there you go, looking for validation.