I hate that I still have feelings for my ex after everything he did—spreading lies about me playing the victim and using my deepest secrets against me.
Certain memories continue to torment me: his smirk at the DMV seeing another woman on his bike and finding her sleeping in our bed. He repeatedly chose everyone else over me. Yet the hardest part is remembering the 20 good years before the last two painful ones. Every shared laugh and moment where he made me feel deeply loved flashes through my head the moment I close my eyes.
It breaks my heart that after decades together it was so easy for him to destroy my life and replace me. I don't understand why I can't move past this betrayal. I refuse to date because I can't give anyone else a fair chance; my heart feels entirely lost and I don't know how to reclaim it.
Last updated on:2026-09-18T00:35:12+05:30
Comments (4)
i stopped trying to force myself to hate my ex before i could move forward.
thinking about the part where you said you refuse to date because you can’t give anyone else a fair chance, but do you feel like you’re protecting your heart right now, or does a part of you still feel like he gets to decide what happens to it?
i’ve been through a breakup where the good memories were almost harder to lose than the person. i could still remember the laughs and the little moments that made me feel loved, even while knowing how badly things ended, and that contradiction messed with my head for a long time.
it is such a painful experience to have some sort of betrayal, a break of trust when you have spend so long building such a strong foundation.
I would feel the same as you and I can't imagine how hard this is for you right now. I'm so sorry