After abandoning our relationship my ex begged me for another chance promising a future together. Shortly after I caught him clubbing with a woman he promised not to see so I blocked him. He resurfaced on our two-year anniversary convincing me to give him another shot and even let me help him move out of our old apartment.
During the move I discovered hidden condoms and female products. Despite my reassurance that he was allowed to see people while we were split he denied everything. He also confessed that the previous club night was actually that same woman's birthday revealing his deceit while we were actively hooking up and making future plans.
I am now struggling with intense rumination trying to figure out if our entire two-year relationship—which had frequent patterns of emotional abuse—was built on lies. How do others who have survived similar manipulation look back on their past relationships and how did you finally make sense of the betrayal?
Last updated on:2026-09-20T09:28:27+05:30
Comments (6)
i stopped trying to solve the whole relationship like a mystery because every new detail just gave me another question
do you think you’re searching for the truth about what happened, or hoping there’s one explanation that will finally make all of his choices make sense?
I think I just wanted to find something confirming that it wasn't about me. That he at least loved me in the end.
It makes sense that you’re grieving both the relationship and the version of it you believed in. Try not to turn his confession into a puzzle you must decode—focus on the pattern and how unsafe it made you feel. No contact, support from trusted people, and therapy could help you rebuild trust in your own judgment.
I miss my ex. The person I thought she was and pretended to be with me in the relationship. I miss that person. She lost someone who was consistent. Someone who showed up. Someone who was loyal. Someone who trust her completely. I lost someone who needed constant validation from men. I lost a liar. I lost a cheater. I lost a low quality person who was easily swayed by another man.
I think one of the hardest parts is realizing that you may never know the full truth about those two years. When someone lies and manipulates you, you can end up going back through every memory trying to figure out what was real and what wasn’t.
But you don’t have to prove that the entire relationship was a lie in order to accept that what happened was wrong. Some moments may have been genuine, while other moments were filled with dishonesty. Both things can exist at the same time.
I think healing comes when you stop trying to solve every unanswered question and start trusting what you already know: he lied, hid things from you, and repeatedly made promises that his actions didn’t match. That is enough information to move forward, even if you never get the complete story.