im trans ftm, not out to family and i dont have friends anymore so he was the only person that was in my life that really made me feel like i was seen. i was his beautiful boy. he always tried to be so kind and helpful and be so supportive of me and whatever i wanted. we knew it wouldve been an issue in his family and we were prepard to deal with it. we always said that we could deal with it. we wanted it to work so bad that we even had a plan to make it work when the time came. but now hes gone. no one to call me their beautiful boy. no one to be proud of me after a hard day. no one to ground me when ive been with people i have to closet myself around. its just me again, and idk how to make it sound like a good thing that its just me again. our relationship wasnt perfect, i had a feeling that somewhere down the line we wouldve had to end it because we wanted too many different things and there would be so many hoops for us to jump through for us to live together and have the life we wanted, but i wanted to fight for it with him. i wanted that life with him and i wanted to know that at least we tried. now hes gone. i really feel so confused at this entire situation, it sends me spiralling when i think of it and what he said before he left, he said if it passed hell come back but was he just saying it? he called me his gentle angel before saying see you later. ive never had someone call me that. i was his beautiful boy, his gentle angel, i was his best friend and he told me i was the love of his life. how do i try to erase a year and a half of the most joy someones ever given me when i dont even know if he isnt coming back?
Last updated on:2026-09-22T12:55:11+05:30
Comments (3)
do you think the uncertainty of him saying "if it passed he'll come back" is making it harder for you to start building that safe space for yourself right now?
when you have to hide who you are from the rest of the world and one person finally sees the real you, losing them feels like getting thrown right back into the dark. i went through a breakup where my ex was my entire safety net while i was closeted, and losing those specific pet names that made me feel valid hurt way worse than the actual split.
I'm in the same position, so I don't know if I have the answer to your question. It's really hard to move on from the one you thought was your person and wonder if they'll come back. You wonder if all the good times will be enough to bring him back. I was with him for a year and a half, we lived together for most of it. I was my happiest with him. We had our downs, but I thought we would get through it together. I am still hurting and broken, but trying to accept it and focus on myself and my healing, and getting the help I need. I still think of him and miss him deeply, and everything we did, but for now I can only love him from a distance until he's ready to talk, if it happens. It's hard, but hang in there. Try and think of the positives, do something you enjoy and keep busy/distracted so you don't spiral too much. Message us on here if you ever need. Someone will reply. Take care, be strong!