well im new here...just wanted to come in and tell my story. I just went through a ery devastating breakup with someone I genuinely thought was the one. I cant even express the hurt that I feel. its been 12 days no contact but every day feels heavier not lighter. we were only together for 9 months but I wanted to marry this man and even just a few weeks ago we were talking about promise rings. we had talked about marriage in the past so the rings weren't something that would have caught him off guard. I started noticing him becoming more distant after he reconnected with an old friend. He had told me some of his concerns with me and how he felt in the past which I thought I addressed and validated him on but apparently it was still simmering. but anyway he started hanging out with this friend and I noticed he was going out on work nights. this is very unusual for him. he was ALWAYS tired and took his sleep before work very seriously. so this all happened within like 3 weeks. the first night he went to hangout with this guy he first told me his friend had asked him to hangout and he told him no, so I assumed he was gonna be home all night. i made dinner plans and was looking forward to him staying home. 4 hours later he starts getting ready and says "im gonna go.hamgout with my buddy" im like "oh ok when?" he says "well i was gonna leave now" I was not happy. that sudden change of plans really threw me off and the lack of communication was not ok on his part. to make this situation long story short, I cried and maybe over exaggerated my feelings when he left but at the ti.e I felt like I had a good reason too! but we talked he came back wayyyy later than he said he would and only told me what time he was coming back because I had to initiate communication with him. but I thought we had delt with our misunderstandings and my needs and his needs and moved on.
the very next week he goes out on a friday night with his buddy. he texts me prior, communicates with me time and says he loves me and hell see me later. ok all is good! I was fine I made plans if my own and we saw eachother when he came back. well the next week after that he goes out with his newly reconnected friend again and he decides to tell me that after he left his moms for a visit. the visit took longer than normal and I wasnt concerned but he said hed be back at 5 and it was around 6:20 at night and he was still at his moms. i only know this cuz we shared locations. so when he fi ally leaves I never got a response from him until I say " hey what time do you plan on being home?" "is everything ok?" he goes "everything is fine im going to hangout with my buddy for i little while" now this is where I kinda lost it. I took accountability for my part in this but little backstory as to maybe why I was stressing the way that I was I had recently moved twice within a month span and my business flooded all at the same time and me and my ex had just moved into this apartment not more than 2 months ago I was also going through a really bad pmdd menstrual episode and I had a severe kink in my neck that night. not saying any of this to justify my actions but I was going through a lot. so anyways I had lost it and I ended up texting him not very nice things and kind of was battling in my head a little bit and decided to delete delete the messages and then once I finally was able to clear my head I sent a message saying "I would really appreciate if you would let me know exactly what time you're coming home" and he texted back at 8:30ish "i was planning coming back just before midnight, if you stopped blowing up my phone you wouldve seen that I told you when" he never told me what time hed be back, he said im haging out with my buddy for a little. thats not really a time in my mind. I just wanted a little bit of respect.
so basically that was the end all for him. I had "run out of chances" he needed space and he was done. I immediately took action and accountability for my actions and the very next day I had contacted my therapist I had set up a little stress basket where I could write notes in to put in there I genuinely felt terrible about the way I reacted and I thought that we could work through it but he decided that he didn't want to come home that night cuz he needed space and obviously I I told him that's understandable. and he came back the next day and I thought we were going to work on things but he decided that was it.
at this point it kind of felt like he was keeping a scorecard on me of all of my failures and took this moment of weakness that I had that I had already taken accountability for and immediate action and decided that was the end all my very last chance. we had been apart for a few days after he had said he wanted to end things and I had seen a post online that resonated with me so I shared the post on my Instagram story it basically just said " the devil had sent me the sweetest kindest most thoughtful man I had ever met just for him to leave me on a random Tuesday" and he had told me he was not going to be on the socials anymore so I figured regardless of whether he was on it or not I would post it and he ended up commenting on it saying " oh this is what you're telling people that I gave up on you?" the fact that he was more concerned about how he looked instead of how hurt I was I was a little shocked because that's not the person that I knew it's almost like the person I knew was completely gone he was so cold and so mean to me with everything that he had said to me after that when I had done nothing but give him love and took as much accountability for my actions as I could. there was other things that he had tried to use against me like me canceling our couples massages and his massages at an establishment I had gone to for relaxation that we had just gone to our very first couples massage together and decided to book more out. obviously I didn't want him going there anymore so I needed to cancel his sessions for my own sanity. obviously I wanted him to continue getting massages but I didn't need him going to a place that I went to for peace. so I looked at massages that were going to be near where he was staying at which is with his mom that was 40 minutes away instead of an hour 30 minutes away from him. I booked him a session amd even called thw place to have them charge my card on file. ive only ever had pure intentions for him and its almost like he was treating me like i was nothing but scum to him. so yeah thats my story I guess
Last updated on:2026-09-24T02:00:39+05:30
Comments (6)
i keep thinking about the part where you said it felt like the person you knew was completely gone, do you miss who he is right now, or are you grieving the man you believed you were going to marry?
im really grieving the man i thought I was going to marry. all of this happened so quick its not like he was pulling away for months or years is was a span of 3 weeks. so I was just so taken back by the way he was acting
i’ve had a breakup where one argument somehow became the final chapter after months of everything else we’d shared. that feeling of being reduced to your worst moment is brutal, especially when you were already taking responsibility and trying to make things right.
I was trying so hard. its like he kept a failure scorecard on me when I only thought about his wins and changes
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I can understand why this feels so devastating, especially when you were still talking about marriage and promise rings only weeks before the breakup.
I think it’s important to separate two things: you can take responsibility for the way you reacted that night without taking responsibility for the entire breakup. You were under an enormous amount of stress, and yes, sending angry messages wasn’t the healthiest reaction, but you recognized it, apologized, contacted your therapist, and immediately started trying to work on yourself.
What hurts the most in situations like this is realizing that the other person may have already reached a decision that you didn’t know they were making. It can make you replay every argument and wonder, “If I had reacted differently that night, would we still be together?” But you may never get a clear answer to that.
And please don’t let the coldness you’re seeing from him now convince you that you meant nothing to him. Someone can have loved you and still decide they no longer want the relationship. The way he is behaving after the breakup doesn’t erase everything that existed before it.
You’re only 12 days into no contact. Of course it still feels heavy. You’re not failing at healing because you don’t feel better yet. Give yourself time and keep focusing on the things you can control now: staying no contact, working with your therapist, taking care of yourself, and allowing yourself to grieve the future you thought you were going to have.
You don’t have to prove that you were a perfect girlfriend to deserve to be loved. And you don’t have to turn him into a bad person in order to let him go.
I really appreciate that. one hand i know this. and ive never tried to portray him as the bad guy in any of it. he just kept saying I ruined all of it. and im trying not to let that replay in my head but it's so hard especially when I already took the accountability its almost like he got satisfaction for reminding me about what I did. he basically told me I was falling into old habits which i dont think i was i was just having a really hard time. I know he just didnt have the capacity to hold that for me. but him saying he fell out of love with me was shocking considering what we were talking about weeks ago. ive always said love is hard work and you choose love every day in any situation good and bad. it just seems like he had given up on me or himself and didnt want to work on us. i think anything can be worked out especially if you as a person shows consistency after something like that. which is what i was showing him with certain things he expressed dislike for or hurt him in the past. I felt like I almost had to list the things that I had changed about myself that I was being consistent with just to prove to him that I could have changed and worked on myself with him in this particular incident. he just decided he didn't want to give me any more "chances" cuz I had already used them all up. I never kept a scorecard on things he did that hurt me. i just moved on. it all just seems so sudden and coincidental after him reconnecting with his old friend that they actually used to do drugs together and he said that he stopped talking to him because of that but apparently his friend got clean blah blah blah but it just all seemed very weird to me