I woke up this morning with a pit in my stomach and a limping my throat. ive been waking up at night hoping all of this is just a dream. I miss him immensely. I made the mistake of looking at our old pictures yesterday that i did delete, i just went into my trash and looked at them. it made me break down. I got so sick to my stomach I had to run to the bathroom and got sick. I dont know why i did that to myself. I still love him so deeply and how he discarded me was so out of the blue it feels like its hurting more everyday. I miss what we had, im mourning the future we had planned even weeks before he left me. I know that him saying hes "taking his happiness back" is just an excuse. He also blamed the failure of the relationship all on me. keeping score of my failures instead of changes all while I was counting his wins. I miss everything about but I hate him for doing this to me. I wanted to marry this man so badly. my heart is just so broken. i dont think ive actually gone through a heartbreak like this before. ive had my highschool breakups and my ex before this one was just such a douch bag I dont think i even felt like this for even this long. This guy treated me so well, he was everything ive ever wanted and I think thats genuinely why this hurts so bad. ive been askimg god to help him find his way back to me, help him heal to come back into my life so we can be together. the pain in my chest is so deep all my nerves just start to tingle. and we used to tell eachother when we got the heart tingles so having that pain replace that feeling that I remember so vividly makes my chest tighten even more.
Last updated on:2026-09-25T23:56:49+05:30
Comments (6)
empty out that deleted folder permanently so you stop giving yourself a way to hurt your own feelings at 2 am. every time i kept those pictures in my trash bin, i was just keeping one foot in the door of a future he already decided to throw away
ugh i know I dont even want to go back into it and see the pictures. im hoping by the time I ready to do that the 30 days will have past and they already would have permanently been deleted
did he start pulling that keeping score stuff right at the very end, or looking back were there little signs he was secretly holding grievances all along?
it seemed like he pulled that out towards the end and tallied them up as if he had been doing it all along like i was aware. he had said in one of our last conversations that I should have known to do a specific thing that he had brought up in the past but I thought i already addressed that concern. as if he was holding that over my head even tho I already addressed it
that physical sickness in your stomach after looking at old trash photos is so real and brutal. i spent my first two weeks post breakup literally throwing up in the morning because the shock of him discarding me out of nowhere was just too much for my body to hold. it hurts a million times worse when they treated you like gold right up until the second they decided to dump all the blame on you and walk away.
I agree its just absolutely heartbreaking. I wish they could feel the pain they caused