After a year and a half together—including living together and meeting his family—my ex repeatedly cheated on me gaslit me and humiliated me while I was on study abroad in South Korea.
While I was away he slept with a girl from his gym and struck up a relationship with an Instagram influencer in Mallorca. When I caught him and confronted both of them on a joint phone call he lied to her claimed I was an obsessive ex and left me stranded in Europe without housing or a working phone forcing me to take a 21-hour FlixBus to Slovakia.
Now that I'm back in the Netherlands he is trying to act like everything is normal. He bought me a new bike cooks my favorite meals invites me over for movie nights and tries to kiss me. At the same time he lies straight to my face about his continued involvement with the other woman downplaying their relationship and claiming he only degraded me on the phone to "save the situation" with her.
I do not want to date him or kiss him but after a traumatic unstable summer the familiar routine is confusingly comforting. Furthermore I am logistically trapped into maintaining contact because he is storing items I can't fit into my short-term apartment.
How much contact should I maintain with an ex who continuously lies and acts like nothing happened and how can I set strict boundaries while I still rely on him to hold my belongings?
Last updated on:2026-09-25T23:55:11+05:30
Comments (4)
i had to keep contact with my ex strictly about the practical stuff when i was still tied to them by belongings. once i stopped accepting the dinners, movie nights, kisses, and little couple-like moments, it got much easier to remember why i needed distance.
you think you could arrange another place for your belongings so your contact with him only has to be about getting your things back?
i’ve been in that weird place where an ex hurt me badly, then suddenly became sweet and familiar again, and my brain almost forgot why i was trying to leave. the comfort felt real, but so did the damage, and that made the whole thing incredibly confusing.
I think the most important thing is to separate the practical situation from the emotional one. You don’t owe him kisses, movie nights, meals, or any kind of relationship just because he is holding your belongings. Keep contact limited to your things and communicate as much as possible by text. Set a clear date to collect everything, and if you can, have a friend with you when you do.
The fact that his familiar routine feels comforting after such a traumatic summer doesn’t mean you want him back. Sometimes familiarity feels safe simply because it’s familiar. You can miss the comfort without wanting the person.
And honestly, you don’t need him to admit what he did or agree with your version of events in order to set boundaries. You know what happened, and you’re allowed to step away.