Hi everyone,
I haven’t posted an update here in a while, so I wanted to share a little about what I’ve been going through.
On August 25, I got fired from my job, and that was the last day I saw him. On September 2, we had a short phone call that lasted about 20 minutes. I had actually called him because my brother had accidentally made a purchase using his Amazon account, and I wanted to let him know that I had cancelled it. During the call, he also asked me why I had been fired. We haven’t spoken since that day. I unfollowed him, and shortly afterwards, he unfollowed me too.
Until the beginning of September, I was trying to move on with my life. I did a 2,000-piece puzzle, kept going to the gym, and met new people. Then one night, he appeared in my dream, and suddenly it felt like all my feelings had gone back to the beginning. I didn’t want to leave the house for about ten days and spent most of that time crying. I eventually got myself to find a job, and now I work as a waitress at a café very close to my home. But the songs they play there constantly remind me of him. Some days, I cry my eyes out before going to work.
I hadn’t heard anything about him during this whole time. Until this week, when I saw him in my old workplace’s Instagram stories. He had gone out of town. I had never gone this long without seeing him before, and I realized just how much I missed him. He has appeared in my dreams three times during this time, and every single time, it felt so good to see him.
It’s been almost three months, and I still miss our relationship so much. Yes, our breakup was painful, but our relationship itself was genuinely beautiful. What hurts me the most is that something that was going so well ended so suddenly, in a moment of anger.
School starts on October 5. Since we’re in our final year of physiotherapy, we’ll be doing hospital placements four days a week. When I checked the list of hospitals, I saw that the hospital where he’ll be doing his placement is only a 15-minute walk from my home. I’ll be at a different hospital, but he’ll be working that close to where I live. I know that if he wants to see me, he would still have to make an actual effort, but knowing he’ll be so close has inevitably made me hopeful.
I keep wondering if he’ll try again.
I wish he would. I wish he would fight for us.
I still love him so much. I think not seeing him for this long has probably made me idealize him a little, but even so, I really do miss him.
Last updated on:2026-09-29T11:25:50+05:30
Comments (8)
the exact week my ex popped back into my dreams out of nowhere after months of me doing "well," and it completely wrecked all the progress i thought i made. that hope that flares up just because they're physically closer geographically is so real and so painful.
do you think you're missing the actual guy who walked away in anger, or are you just grieving that beautiful version of the relationship before it all broke?
Honestly, I think it’s both. I miss him as a person — the way he was with me, our conversations, our little routines, having him beside me and sharing everyday life with him. I don’t think I’m only grieving an idealized version of our relationship.
But at the same time, I’m grieving the relationship we had before everything fell apart. It was genuinely beautiful to me, and it’s hard to accept that something that felt so good could end so suddenly, in a moment of anger.
I know I’ve probably idealized him a little because I haven’t seen him in so long, but that doesn’t make the feelings any less real. I miss him, and I miss us. I think that’s the hardest part — knowing that the person I miss is also the person who chose to walk away.
it’s been one month of mine and I am in bed right now bawling my eyes out because I miss him so much and I just don’t understand why he’d rather lose me than change the habits that hurts me. I am so angry but I am so sad also.. I miss him and I don’t know if this is normal but I am just crying and praying to God to be strong
Please buy yourself a hobby. I started sports and going to sports healed me. I'm still crying, but at least my butt is growing. Joking acid, you really should take a hobby. you deserve to be healed.
i so get this i’m sorry it’s been 5 days and i’ve never felt so terrible he was the love of my life and the fact that he could go one moment crying to me telling me he loved me to going totally no contact with me as he continues to live his life while mine has been forever paused haunts me
@EasyPeasy188 oh I have that! I am moving on fine but I am just saying the emotions really just hit you one day because that was my baby fr 🥺.. but I am moving on fine and focusing more on me and God
@bkat I know right! we will come out stronger. what really helped me is I allow myself feel everything.. I didn’t deny that I wasn’t missing him, or sad about the breakup even though I was the one who broke up with him. I cried when I felt like, I was sad, depressed and all.. but then the mornings kept feeling lighter and lighter and my world started moving again. I am thankful to my bestfriend who cheered me on even though she’s in a different country but yeah, I started cooking more, weight loss and all and it’s been good and soon, I will adopt a pet parrot