Hi to anyone reading this, I just joined this app. I was with my toxic, insecure, extremely jealous and possessive ex for just 8 months but I dumped him a week ago. This isn't the first time I broke up with him but it is the last. The reasons were due to having double standards, especially with me interacting with the opposite sex and just getting disrespected and I just realized I've been emotionally abused again like my first ex.
I had caught him posting a TikTok video (that he knows I don't have) of him making out with a girl and it obviously wasn't me, but that clip happened 2 years ago but I told him you just don't post that stuff while in a relationship. If I had done that, he would've gotten extremely angry and maybe break my phone or something. The other time I broke up with him was because I saw him liking a thirst trap of this stripper/OF girl he follows who lives in my town and looked nothing like me/his type. These 2 instances he had denied until I showed proofed. He ended up unliking the post but not unfollow her which I thought it was weird. Mind you these instances I broke up with him, he wouldn't last 2 days with out contact, show up to my house and cry, ugly sobbing, begging on his knees, and saying all this stuff he wants to marry me and start a family etc and that he never felt this way before and promised to not be dumb again. And unfortunately me feeling bad I took him back.
I gave him the ultimatum if he ever disrespected me again, making me look stupid it was done for reals. Also for context he had to live with me because he ended up homeless. Obviously he disrespected me for the 3rd time which I caught him on my security camera house footage that he was talking to a "homegirl" saying that she was hot enough to get "piped down" by anyone. My problem is, if I had done any of the things he has done, he would lose his mind, go crazy (which he admitted when I confronted how he would feel after the footage), and physically do harm to my stuff and worse. What made me angry was the two faced actions. I had him kicked out of the house since.
I had to get rid of a male friend due to his insecurity which is something I regret and wasn't worth the price. He didn't believe guys and girls can be friends but he's clearly not holding the same standards to himself.
I have to admit I am surprised he has not shown up to my house begging, or spam called me as he usually does every time I broke up with him since again he couldn't last 2 days but now it's been a week. Unfortunately I have been internet stalking him and I'm glued to seeing if he ended up unfollowing the stripper/OF girl since I saw he did an unfollow dump but he hasn't. So now I have to accept he just never will if he wants to see her content so bad. He also took some of my things that I don't think he will ever return, I had my mom ask him and I didn't get a response.
I hate to admit but I really want him to break no contact and give me an apology, or be extremely regretful. But that fact that he hasn't bother to reach out says he doesn't care what he did to me. I'm not sure if he thinks we're on a "break" because he wrote on my bathroom mirror that he "loves" me and will "not be going anywhere". Plus hasn't taken down the TikTok videos he made of me. I had texted him I regret everything and hope I never see him again. I can't help but think, is he doing really bad without me or suffering? Is he having fun with his friends? Did he find a physical rebound? Is he doing worse than how I feel?
If anyone is still reading this thank you, and if anyone has any advice to stop this thoughts and wanting him to crawl back (even though I know I can't /shouldn't take him back) please help. As of today I decided to stop internet stalking him.
Last updated on:2026-09-27T08:08:12+05:30
Comments (9)
i’ve been in that place where i knew the relationship was hurting me but still wanted them to come back begging, just so i could feel like i mattered. that need for an apology can keep you tied to someone long after you’ve already walked away
i had to stop checking my ex’s socials because every little thing became a new story in my head. the unfollowing, the likes, who they were with, whether they missed me, none of it gave me the apology i wanted, it just kept me stuck.
I definitely relate with if they missed me the most, but you're absolutely right I'm not going to get the apology I also want. It's hard to not check but I know in the end I'm just going to get hurt if I do and see something I don't like. It happened to me before so I should learn from that.
i really feel for you because you already know you don’t want him back, so what do you think you’re hoping to feel if he suddenly showed up begging again?
Well I hope I wouldn't care at all how much he would beg or feel good about it. I'd like to just already be at peace and fully had let go of the situation at the time if he would appear. But if showed up right now currently I'd feel validated. I think I had let my empathy get in the way of him facing consequences in the past.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I can understand why you’re hurt, especially when you gave so much of yourself and kept hoping things would change. But please don’t let his actions convince you that you weren’t enough. You deserve a relationship where trust, respect, honesty, and effort go both ways. Sometimes the hardest part is accepting that loving someone doesn’t mean you have to keep accepting the things that hurt you. Give yourself permission to step back, heal, and stop looking for answers from someone who keeps creating more questions. You’re not weak for still caring—you’re human. But you deserve peace too.
Thank you for your kind words! I keep telling myself that. But you're absolutely right, I'm just getting uncertainty and not clarity and unanswered questions. It means a lot that I deserve peace, I hope in time I will feel that 100% I'm trying not to be too hard on myself.
thank you for sharing ✨ I totalllyyyy relate. I just started no contact a week ago with a narcissistic ex who I was with for about a year. parts of me also keep waiting for them to reach out and say they miss me and want me back and love me and are miserable without me. Also more of me knows that I didn’t like how I was showing up in the relationship and how I continued to ignore multipleeee red flags. they were also insecure about any friendships I had, made frequent comments to insult and invalidate me bc they wanted me to be “normal” and refused to acknowledge their own part of the toxicity, almost always putting the blame on me.
I’m not sure I have any answers or specific ideas on how to help. however, know you are not alone, I’m right here with you ✨💕
As much as I don't wish this upon any person and you didn't deserve that, it's comforting I'm not alone. I was told red flags don't turn green and I was aware and now I feel dumb I had put up with him for all this time but I know it's his loss and not mine. Thank you for sharing too! I'm trying to take it a day at a time.