After four years together my long-distance relationship ended 1.5 years ago due to career stress and toxic dynamics stemming from my mental health. Unable to let go I spent months begging him to reconsider resulting in a constant cycle of fighting and rejection.
Whenever I asked if he was dating someone new he dodged the question. I just discovered he’s been in a relationship for nine months. I reacted out of anger and said hurtful things to which he admitted he lied because he was afraid of how I would react.
I hate him for deceiving me but I feel guilty for how difficult I made things for him. I know he’s moved on and isn't coming back but I'm devastated because I know I would still take him back if he asked. I feel completely miserable and lost.
Last updated on:2026-09-30T05:44:12+05:30
Comments (6)
i used to blame myself for every ugly part of a breakup, like if i had handled things better, maybe they would’ve stayed.
i feel the guilt and the hurt sitting together here, especially after you found out he’d been hiding this for nine months. do you think you’re grieving him most right now, or the future you still hoped you might get back?
Yes I agree with the other comments. It has been 1.5 years already and it seems there is still a lot of anger, denial, and acceptance concerns. Even so, it seems that lashing out at him for being honest and living his life is negatively impacting both of you. It might be easier to go no-contact at this point so you both can heal. Figure out what you want a safe space to look like, how you want to communicate/repair issues, how to manage acceptance, and what life looks like with a partner in it. By having access to him and still inquiring, its like reopening the wounds every single time.
You both clearly loved each other, but at some point he got tired of the relationship and chose to be with someone else. So please don’t keep wishing for him to come back. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if he came back someday, you might end up going through the same pain again.
Are you able to start processing this loss with a mental health professional?
You need to accept reality for your own mental health.