I think I might have been the problem.
I rarely held his hand in public, asked him to move away from me when he got to close to me in front of family or friends.
I once said
“Dont kiss me infront of my parents, id rather die then have them see me do that”
I meant it in a joking way obviously but it seems like I hated him
I was always ridiculous. All he wanted was comfort, someone who would show that they loved him and I never did that. I could never be that for him, so I failed. I failed. I have social anxiety so I have never been someone that liked PDA but I should have tried harder. Should have given him the love and attention he deserved.
There were times when id make him sad or disappointed because I was ignorant or stupid. Id be “distant” or not paying enough attention to him. There was one time where we were out with friends and I would always poke him or tickle him as my way of showing my affection. He’d try and do the same but id laugh and run away or try and get him off me. I never thought it affected him but he didnt like it. It made him sad and felt like I was distant or punishing him. Im so sorry I did that to him.
let me make it understood that he made it clear that his love language is physical touch and is a massive PDA person before we started dating. I also made it known that I loved physical touch but not PDA as much. he was very very respectful of all the boundaries I made and never broke them unless it was me that broke it
Last updated on:2026-10-12T01:39:11+05:30
Comments (5)
i can feel how much you’re blaming yourself for every little moment. i used to replay all the times i pulled away from my ex and wonder if i’d ruined everything, too. having social anxiety and struggling with PDA doesn’t mean you didn’t love him.
i feel for you here, honestly. i had to learn that i could regret how i handled some things without turning myself into the villain of the whole relationship. you can wish you’d shown him affection differently and still give yourself some kindness for the things that were hard for you.
thankyou, that means a lot
you think about the relationship now, do you miss the chance to love him differently, or do you feel like those moments are proof that you weren’t enough for him?
I feel like it’s proof I was never good enough. I wish I could have been better. all I hope now is that he finds someone that can give that to him