Why do i keep pushing people away?

when you shut down or bring up breaking up, is it usually because you're scared of being hurt, or because you feel like your partner isn't hearing how much you're hurting?

i started telling my partner when i needed space instead of going cold or threatening to leave. even saying “i’m overwhelmed, but i don’t want to end this” helped me break that pattern, little by little.

i relate to this so much. i used to shut down when things got intense, then panic when my partner actually pulled away. it took me a while to see how much fear was driving my reactions.