I think what is hitting me the most, is just I wasn’t aware of what was happening for him internally. It feels so confronting to know that while I was leaning in, investing, meeting his family and friends, he was silently assessing whether what he felt was even real. Testing it. Never telling me what was happening for him internally, and on the outside was making me meet his family, kissing me, telling me I was his girl and how great we are to his friends.
I wish he just told me he was having doubts, rather than living a lie. I had no idea, so the blindsiding of him telling me he likes me, finds me attractive but doesn’t have ‘romantic feelings’ feels like someone ripped the floor from beneath me.
Holding me in his arms 24hrs before a phone call and getting his mum and sister to hug me, and then ending it 24hrs later is beyond comprehension.
How do I even trust my sense of reality? Why does he feel it’s okay to withhold his feelings, so that I don’t have all the information to make choices that would have best served me? If I had known he was having doubts, I never would have gone to his gig, met his family or friends and I wouldn’t have let him into my world.
Instead, he kept me thethered until he had reached his conclusion and I was blindsided.
He apologised… but now it’s just the dread of will I ever meet someone? No one can promise me I can… but I am 34. It is beyond hard to trust. I am tired. I want a happy, healthy partnership… but maybe I’m destined to be alone.
Last updated on:2026-10-20T11:06:37+05:30
Comments (4)
being held in his arms 24 hours before he ended things would mess with my head too. i’ve been blindsided like that, and the hardest part was questioning every happy memory, wondering what was real and what i’d missed
hmm blaming myself for trusting someone who never told me they were having doubts
i feel how tired you are of all this, especially with the fear of being 34 and starting over. do you think the bigger fear right now is that you might not meet your person, or that you might meet someone new and still not feel safe trusting them?
I think the bigger fear is never meeting my person. It is what I really want, but the fear it will never happen hurts the most. There is no guarantee either, which is the worst. I also think about how hard it will be to find the safety I had in this relationship, and then of course how do I trust when they could be withholding?
Ultimately, I am terrified of never having a healthy and happy relationship and that next chapter of life. How do you accept it might never happen?