need some advice here. my ex and I broke up a week ago, and I packed up what I could and left because he got violent towards me, and without my knowledge, he also took my house key while I was packing up my things, even though I was still on the lease. I went to my mom‘s house, and my ex packed up my things without my permission. he threatened to put my belongings in the dumpster (in text).Yesterday I was able to get all my belongings, and just now I was unpacking, and I opened up a candle to find that he carved the word “cunt” into it. I am also missing several items that were given to me as gifts for either Christmas or my birthday from him. I looked it up and it looks like I live in a state where that is illegal. He has already been extremely nasty, so is it worth it to go to court? What does everyone think? I can provide more context if needed. TIA❣️
Last updated on:2026-02-05T07:11:17+05:30
Comments (11)
I'm proud of you that you broke up with him. That was the only right thing.
wish I could say I was the one to end things. he was the one to break up with me and he started to get violent so I think that was my final breaking point. I wasnt even strong or brave enough to be the one to end things. I just finally left for good this time
did you already file anything or talk to anyone official about the violence or the key situation?
no, I have not. I have an equal amount of people telling me that I should let it go, and also telling me that I should pursue legal action. I still have a few boxes left to unpack, so I’m hoping I’ll find a few things that I’m still looking for. But there are some things that I know for a fact that he has kept that are not his.
I would take it to court. He has no right to make you feel less than you are, especially after all of the abuse he has put you through. Don't let him get away with diminishing you anymore. ❤️
i can’t tell you what to do, but for me, documenting EVERYTHING helped me feel less powerless. screenshots, photos, timelines. even if you never go to court, having it all written down gave me back some control when everything felt chaotic
i left after my ex got violent too, and the way he messed with my stuff after felt like a final “i still own you” move. the carving thing hits different, it’s so degrading on purpose. that kind of behavior messed with my head way more than the breakup itself.
he has had me so badly brainwashed. had me believe he was paying for everything, I was a lazy slob and had no friends who was going nowhere in life. and I believed it. I could do nothing right in his eyes and he kept telling me to do better or else, basically. I never knew what mood he would be in or how he was going to treat me each day. whenever he was mad I always panicked thinking what I did to upset him.
how did you gain your confidence back? I feel like now because of him, I let everyone walk over me and don’t know how to stand up for myself. my self worth is very wonky right now because I’ve had more compliments and niceness from my family/support system/random people in the last week than I’ve had from him in our entire relationship. it’s hard to believe what everyone is saying positively about me. one thing I did today that felt foreign is that I woke up at 11am and then took a nap at 1:30pm because I had a headache, and I never would’ve been able to do that if I was still with him because he would’ve gotten mad at me that I was sleeping again. I’m excited to start living my life the way *I* want to, I’m just not sure how exactly 😅
wow sounds like you are going thru a lot rn😕🫶🏼 I think that since he is being so awful there's no point in trying to reason with him, maybe taking it to a bigger level would be best? it sounds like he's being irrational and just plain mean, maybe an outside force needs to be brought in so you can get your belongings returned. here for you🫶🏼🫶🏼
thank you so much, I really appreciate it💗 it has been a crazy week but my support system has been amazing. also people like you really help me to push through
@GlimmerFlex399 of course! going through something like this alone is terrible, you need people on your side🫶🏼