I reached out to my ex today, but my impulse is to not count it as a relapse because I felt clear and grounded in alignment with my commitment to take space to care for myself. It was about stating that my boundaries have changed and that I'm stepping away from my ex and all of our shared community that she is most connected with.
I realized that part of what I have been holding on to is hoping that friends in the community that I introduced her to will show up for me. That they will stand up for me. But only one community member who holds social power did. Even still him juggling trying to stay connected to me while staying connected to that community was too triggering for me and it was too much for him to bare.
I finally realized I can't stay connected to that community and choose myself. I feels like a relief that after a year of pain and trying to hold on I am finally saying I deserved better not only from my ex but from my friends.
I am heartbroken that I'm needing to let go for now of the one friend in that community that was showing up for me. yet, I also feel free and I feel like I can breathe. It turns out my fear of losing my community that felt like the thing I was most afraid of was more painful to hold onto. Not that I let go it's not so scary anymore.
I am not giving my power to people who don't deserve it anymore. There is a future that's possible where I have the power to shape the kinds of relationships I truly desire.
Last updated on:2026-04-14T14:12:55+05:30
Comments (9)
you’re grieving the community more right now, or her?
Really both. But I think I've been grieving the loss of my relationship since well before we called it quits. when in therapy all she could give me was an admission that she hurt me and she still has not apologized to me for pushing me out of the community that I invited her into i eventually got to a point where I went from greif about loosing the relationship to greif around what I tolerated. Since then I kept holding out hope that people i had given so much to my energy to were not showing up for me. So that is a stronger greif now. My charismatic girlfriend who has failed to take any real personal responsibility was the one my community chose
what you did took guts. for me, the only thing that helped was sticking to that boundary even when i missed her like hell, because every time i went back it reopened everything
thanks ❤️ it was really hard to let go. one of my friends I've known 10 years, but at the end of the day they just were not showing up for me the way I deserve. I'm open to that changing, but I'm not going to be the one creating that change.
I know how hard that is to miss someone that much and I see you growing in spite of that. that's a big deal
i did something similar after my breakup, i had to walk away from the whole friend group too and that part honestly hurt more than losing her. it felt like i lost my people and my place at the same time, but that space you’re talking about… that breathing feeling, it’s real
thank you. it is one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it feels like in doing so I am trusting myself more than I ever had.
me and your are going through the same thing. but it shall pass🫂
I am so sorry love and I'm proud of us both for choosing ourselves. I hope you can give yourself so much love and trust yourself to build the future you deserve