Dear Z, I know you probably won't read this and will probably not really care either, that's okay because I don't expect you to respond anyway but I wanted to explain everything otherwise I feel as if I will never be able to get over this. First of all, this isn't me trying to get back together with you at all but I know that I have messed up. Alot. I have made many, many unbelievable and stupid mistakes which aren't really justifiable in any way, shape or form. I really wish that I could change how I react and a part of me believes that maybe I can do that if I try hard enough. I know my reactions are extreme, intense and over the top. Nothing can really help that except therapy. I am deeply sorry for the way anything i've said or done has hurt you and upset you or even broken your heart and I wish with everything I have that I could go back and change what I've done.
The only thing I know for sure is that I love you. I don't know in what way whether it's healthy or unhealthy but I know for a fact that I do. I have this massive knot in my stomach which I can't get rid of and it hurts me to know that you're gone. it hurts me so much. I've been through a lot of losses in my life but I can confidently say that this is one of the worst. You were my everything, my person, my all and I ruined it in more ways than one. I messed up time and time again thinking it would all be fine but I hope now I can see that it wouldn't have been. My heart is definitely broken and I hope I can fix it with time.
You're truly amazing and were nothing but good to me and more often than not I would throw it back into your face. Only i know for sure how I feel about everything and it is absolutely devastated. I have no idea how to go on without someone who had become a part of my daily routine. Nothing, literally nothing worked out in the way that I wanted it to. I still feel as if I deserve closure but maybe I should stop searching for answers that I won't get. I'm sorry, I am so sorry with all my heart, body and soul for verbally and physically attacking you, manipulating you, being toxic, clingy, attached, following you around trying to get you to talk to me and whatever else that i haven't written down.
I want you to know that, again, I don't expect forgiveness, I don't expect anything I just wanted to say things from my point of view because nobody ever seems to want to hear it. You were the love of my life and I destroyed it. I hope that there's a time in the future when we can talk again whenever that may be because I will wait until you're ready.
Goodbye,
J x
I used our names and not just the first letter but I didn't want to put them on here. Was this okay or could I have said anything differently? I'm not going to go back and change it now because I don't want to message him again or edit anything
Last updated on:2026-04-08T23:56:03+05:30
Comments (3)
hi you feel like you sent it more for him to understand you, or because you needed to finally say it out loud for yourself
hy i did something similar, but what helped me after was stopping myself from rereading or rewriting it in my head. i just let it be my last word and focused on fixing ME slowly
i’ve sent that kind of message too, pouring everything out and owning all my mistakes. the guilt part hits hard, like you’re carrying the whole breakup on your back