it’s been about a year and a half since i cheated on my boyfriend. it was just a kiss but it still broke everything.
when he found out i didn’t try to stop him from leaving or ask him to forgive me. i felt like i didn’t deserve that so i let him go. i’ve been living with that choice ever since.
we haven’t spoken at all since then. no contact. but i still think about him every day. i miss him in ways i can’t even put into words. what we had felt real safe and genuine… and i lost it over one moment i still don’t fully understand.
that’s the hardest part. i’ve spent so long trying to figure out why i did it and i still don’t have an answer. i don’t even have feelings for the person it happened with. he’s just a friend now and he helped me through the aftermath but that’s it.
lately i’ve been trying to do the things we always talked about the places we wanted to go. now i finally can. but every time it just hits me that he’s not there and it hurts all over again.
i know he’s moved on and found peace and i truly am happy for him. i don’t want to disrupt that. i just wish we could talk one last time.
i know i messed up. i’ve carried that guilt every day and still don’t know how to forgive myself. the first year i felt numb now i feel everything and some days it still hits just as hard.
a part of me still feels like our story isn’t fully over even though deep down i know it probably is. i still catch myself hoping sometimes.
i’m not even sure what i need from posting this. i think i just needed to let it out. i’m trying to figure out how to live with what i did and how to move forward without feeling like this forever.
Last updated on:2026-04-14T08:42:03+05:30
Comments (6)
If you reach out to him. Don’t expect the outcome that you still want.
My ex kissed a guy and I accepted it. I thought it would bother me more but it really didn’t. She felt terrible and her mother was furious with her for doing it. To me it wasn’t as bad as her having sex so I simply accepted it. Turns out I have secure attachment style
Going through somewhat of the exacttt same thing. It’s been about a year for me. Since that is the case, I don’t imagine anything I say will change how you feel. I’m in the same boat, except I’ve processed what I did and forgave myself. It takes time.
dude vs say his close or best friend.
So… With that said, a kiss, if that’s it’s, not great but seems silly to throw a relationship away on both sides.
it was safe for you but not for him because you let some other man put his tongue in your mouth.
Ive being through a similar situation. The reason I kissed another guy was becoz I was not getting it from my ex. I loved my ex more than anything, but sometimes love is not enough. Both persons have to align with each others needs and compatibility.