i got into a long distance thing with someone i hadn’t even met. it didn’t start romantic at all i just reached out to someone who seemed lonely and slowly she became everything to me. before i knew it my whole world revolved around her.
i gave her everything. i was there through her panic attacks tried to make her feel safe always checking in. then out of nowhere she ended it and blamed me for her anxiety. during the breakup she admitted she’d been pulling away for months because she was scared i’d leave her.
that messed with my head. it explained why i felt something was off and why i kept asking if we were okay or what i could do better. i was trying to fix something she was quietly breaking while telling me everything was fine.
after the breakup it turned into a push and pull. she’d tell me to block her then come back saying she made a mistake then push me away again. i finally had to cut contact for my own sanity.
i’m not innocent in this. i lost myself. i begged her to stay like really begged and that’s something i’m struggling to forgive myself for. at one point she asked if she could still reach out in emergencies and i said yes just to keep some kind of connection. it felt awful.
i realize now i put all my happiness on her. i was lonely and used her to fill that gap looking for validation i couldn’t give myself. right after it ended i even downloaded dating apps just to escape the feeling then deleted them because it felt wrong.
we were living in a fantasy. closing the distance would’ve taken real steps we weren’t facing. now that it’s over even small things like deleting her photos hurt more than i expected. especially a handmade gift she gave me that one really broke me.
the worst part is i can feel myself getting bitter. part of me wants to hate her and i hate that i’m even thinking like that. i don’t want to become that kind of person who stops trusting people completely.
i’m just tired. of the loneliness of repeating patterns of feeling like this. i want to move forward and have something real one day something healthy. but i know i need to work on myself first. i just don’t know how to rebuild my self respect or stop looking for someone else to fill that emptiness.
Last updated on:2026-04-22T15:15:05+05:30
Comments (3)
the loneliness was there way before her, and she just became the one place you finally felt seen?
i know why you’re stuck on the begging part, but honestly i had to stop punishing myself for reacting to losing someone i loved.
uff i did the same thing, built my whole world around someone online and lost myself in it. when it ended i begged too and the shame after was brutal, like i couldn’t even recognize myself for a bit