He left after 5 years because I was lazy. He was a wonderful, active man. How can I stop feeling guilty? And how can I stop being afraid of not finding someone better?
Last updated on:2026-04-27T19:33:18+05:30
Why did he leave me? coping with guilt and fear
Comments (12)
The weekends are for resting! Nothing lazy about it.
Personally, I know I gained a lot of weight when I was with a terrible ex. You may have had a different situation, but for me, I was working, studying, cooked, cleaned, handled all of the logistics, kept him happy etc, and that has a huge effect on you and the energy you have left for yourself. Have a look into "the mental load", I found it incredibly useful to understand what I was going through.
Being overweight is temporary, and bodily changes happen to all of us! If he doesn't have the capacity to love and support you through it, that's his loss, and says a lot about his own insecurities.
And if he's so active but unwilling to work through it with you..? Would a "wonderful", loving, active man not want to work out together, meal plan, make it a team effort? Share his interests with you? Work on improving your health and wellbeing together?
I'm sorry you're going through this, but you need to forgive yourself. You are deserving of love and commitment!!
Move forward, enjoy the time and space you're not having to share with someone so selfish.
No, I'm a disorganized person who puts everything off until tomorrow and sleeps in outside of work hours. For someone who likes to get up early to make the most of the day, he must have gotten tired of my schedule. That's what I need to forgive myself for: my lifestyle.With his ambition and energy, I was probably dragging him down. I want to change for myself. But he won't come back even after that...
@DashWave926 Take some time to sit with your feelings, work through your thoughts etc, but when you're ready, it might be worth looking into therapy, or learning some techniques to reduce procrastination. You'll feel more productive, have more time in the day, and your head will feel clearer. There's no rush, but this is the perfect opportunity to grow and focus on yourself!
do you feel like you were actually “lazy” in a way that didn’t match your values, or were you just not meeting HIS version of what you should be
my ex left me saying i wasn’t doing enough too, and that word “lazy” stuck in my head for months. i kept replaying everything thinking if i just tried harder he would’ve stayed
I dont think you are lazy, i think you spent all your energy and effort into pouring into him. But in doing so, you abandoned yourself. Time to put yourself first
If that's okay with me asking, what do do you mean he left because you were "lazy"? Also, about your questions, you have to give yourself time to heal from the situasion and stop trying to see only your mistakes, you are a human and you make mistakes too.You need time and to be patient.
That she didn't care? She wasn't involved. That's how i understand this.
No, I was very involved and affectionate, maybe more than necessary, but I'm the type to procrastinate, laze in bed on weekends, and I gained a lot of weight in five years. Meanwhile, he was active and organized. I think his admiration and enthusiasm faded because of this disconnect. I feel ashamed and awful for not having improved this before losing him.
@DashWave926 I am starting to be overweight (15 more in 5 years)
@Caroline no that for that...
@DashWave926 Girl, don't beat yourself up over this really. You are beautiful the way you are.