does your heart ever sit in a little locked box, scared of what might be? scared of what might come?
i’m not here because my partner left.
(but what if he does?)
i’m here so i can stay away and stop that from happening.
(too little, too late?)
i’m here to respect his wishes so i can have him back in my arms some day.
(what if someone else fills them?)
so I can remember what his heartbeat was like through his chest, through his shirt when he smelled like coffee after a shift at work.
(what if that white mocha with irish cream is another’s girl favorite?)
when he would pull my arms to spin me away from the curb and tuck me into his side.
(what if I walk on the curb again and no one pulls me away from traffic?)
when I’d wear a skirt and his eyes would light up like I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen.
(what if he never looks at me like that again?)
i’m afraid of losing that forever.
i’m afraid of losing him forever.
they say to never let fear control you. fear doesn’t control me. fear haunts me. fear casts a shadow on every step i take. my lantern, my light, is burnt out, is cast aside, and I have no one to blame but myself.
- 🩶
Last updated on:2026-05-13T19:25:37+05:30
Comments (4)
i get why you’re terrified. what helped me a little was realizing i was grieving futures that hadn’t even happened yet. i had to stop treating every fear like it was a prophecy.
that’s actually really helpful haha. it’s just hard when he really is my future I just have to not mess this up.
when did you start feeling this afraid of losing him? was there a moment where things shifted or has this fear always been sitting quietly in the background?
it’s always been abandonment trauma, i think. and he never, ever gave me a reason to believe it. he never made me think he’d leave me. but for the last month, it’s been his favorite weapon.