Why did he leave after 9 years? a heartbroken journey

about 6 weeks ago my partner of 9 years completely blindsided me. out of nowhere he told me he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me anymore and felt like our relationship had “gone as far as it could.” he said he needed time to think. during that conversation he also told me he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore because we didn’t live together. to me not living together is something you work through together not proof that love is gone. what made it even more confusing was him telling me i’m beautiful perfect and that he’ll never find anyone else like me.
for context he spent 8 years working unstable zero-hour jobs. i never judged him for it. i supported him through all of it helped rewrite his CV helped him prep for interviews and even encouraged him to apply for the job he has now making over £30k a year. he’s only been financially stable enough to move out within the last year.
my own career has taken time to build because it’s seasonal at first and based on seniority. this year is finally the first time i qualified for winter work too which would’ve made our future financially comfortable. i always worked when i could but i didn’t want to move in and risk becoming financially dependent on him during slower months.
i told him multiple times that if he got his own place first i’d basically live there with him and contribute however i could. but every conversation about moving in was always vague always “sometime in the future” never an actual plan.
at the same time i also told him i needed things to feel balanced before we lived together. he didn’t know how to use a washing machine dishwasher manage bills or really take care of a home. i didn’t want to become someone’s mother instead of their partner.
the truth is i already did so much for him. i cut his hair washed his football shirts by hand handled life admin like insurance and paperwork changed his bedding bought groceries helped with his car packed and shipped things he sold online stayed up proofreading work emails late at night listened to him vent at 1am and still tried to split things 50/50 even though he earned almost double what i did yearly.
he worked constantly mostly by choice and then said he felt distant from me. but whenever he came over he’d barely engage just sleep or scroll on his phone. when i tried talking about things i cared about he didn’t seem interested. of course distance started growing.
then he told me i “wasn’t always happy anymore.” and honestly no i wasn’t. my mum has serious health issues and had multiple falls last year while i was away working. i carried so much guilt over that. she’s now going through neurological testing and has ongoing heart problems too. one of my uncles has just been told he only has days left to live. i help take care of my niece while trying to build my career and learn to drive at the same time. i was drowning and instead of asking how he could support me he gave me even more to carry.
now suddenly he says he doesn’t want the life we talked about anymore. we used to travel together constantly and last year he chose half the trips himself. now he says he doesn’t even want to travel.
after the breakup he kept gifts i bought him and even posts himself using them online while i never even asked for the PS5 i bought him back.
i genuinely thought this man was my forever person. i supported him for 9 years without pressure believed in him when he didn’t believe in himself and now that i’m finally getting my own career stable he walks away without even trying to fight for us.
the stress from all of this has literally given me shingles.
what hurts most is how cold he became at the end. our mutual friends had to convince him to even drop my belongings off in person. i barely recognise the person he turned into.
i know neither of us were perfect but i thought we were building something together. now i look back and realise i gave so much more emotionally mentally physically than i ever received in return.
i feel used. discarded. confused. and despite all of that i still miss him so much.
the hardest part is i still don’t fully understand where this came from because there was barely any communication at all. and deep down i can’t shake the feeling that there’s something he’s still hiding from me.

Last updated on:2026-05-19T02:01:29+05:30