about 2.5 months ago my 2.5-year relationship ended. he was my first real love and we loved each other deeply. unfortunately there were trust issues in the relationship largely because of my actions.
during periods of anxiety insecurity and later depression i secretly used dating and hookup apps and sometimes engaged in anonymous sexual messaging. it happened more than once despite promises that it wouldn't happen again. when it came to light for a second time the pain it caused eventually led to the end of our relationship.
after the breakup i started therapy immediately because i genuinely wanted to understand why i kept acting against my own values and against someone i truly loved. through therapy i've realized that i never properly processed traumatic experiences from my early teens. only recently have i fully understood that what happened to me was abuse.
looking back i can see how it shaped my relationship with intimacy sex and emotional connection. for years i used those things as a way to cope with loneliness anxiety and difficult emotions. i also developed strong attachment anxiety and control issues that became especially intense during stressful periods.
for the first time in my life my ex gave me real love safety and emotional closeness. but when life became difficult those old unhealthy patterns resurfaced and they played a major role in destroying the relationship.
since the breakup i've been working hard in therapy and learning more about myself than ever before. i finally feel like i understand where these behaviors came from and what needs to change.
the hard part is that i still love him deeply. i also fully accept that i broke his trust and understand why he doesn't want contact right now. he told me he needs time and i've respected that.
but i'm struggling with a lot of conflicting emotions i miss him every day i carry a lot of guilt for what i did i feel like i only now truly understand what was happening inside me i want to explain everything i've learned and show him how much i've changed. i even wrote a long letter explaining it all but i haven't sent it. part of me wonders whether it would help him understand while another part worries it would only put pressure on him when he's trying to heal.
so lately i've been asking myself is it normal to still feel this attached after a breakup like this? is sending a letter ever a good idea? and how do you cope when you're carrying both love and guilt at the same time? the one thing that keeps me wondering is that he never fully closed the door.
Last updated on:2026-06-01T20:26:12+05:30
Comments (5)
if he had completely closed the door and told you there was no chance of reconnecting, would you still feel the same urge to send the letter, or is part of it tied to the hope that he might come back someday?
my ex partner ended things terribly for us. the guilt or grief hasn't hit her yet. I feel like if she saw me she would melt into an emotional puddle. I feel like time can heal all wounds and we will get better when we spend more time away from those we may have loved so hard.
i had a relationship end because of choices i made too, and the guilt was brutal because i loved him the whole time. that weird place where you finally understand yourself after the damage is already done is such a lonely thing to sit with
Hmm, tough situation. Sometimes apology letters can be self-serving, like you’re just venting to get something off your chest, to relieve the guilt. In this case, though, it sounds like you also want to explain the behavior to him so that it might help him process the pain he experienced. If he didn’t fully close the door, maybe the best thing to do would be to contact him first and ask if he wants to read your letter. That way you’re not dumping all that info on him unless he agrees that he wants it.
Same journey as me. After given countless chances, I never changed. I've hurt her and betrayed her trust and I regret it everyday. I feel stupid now, obviously. If i'd be given just one last chance everything would be completely different flipped on it's tail. But it is too late. We must go on this growth and healing journey for ourselves and be held accountable for our decisions, and the patterns that lead to it and this may come in the form of them never being able to trust and accept us again. Forgiveness maybe, but it is for their peace, and we deserve forgiveness from ourselves too. Though, I've come to a point where I think I should just fully let her go , because I wouldn't want to be selfish and entitled to her love. As that was what caused/lead to me taking her for granted to begin with. Can we message in private maybe to discuss?