So after 4 months post breakup and a mostly no contact I couldn't take it anymore and I showed up at my ex's job. He was surprised, but when he saw me we hugged immediately and I cried in his arms. there were many tears from us both. he said that he never stopped loving me. he even mentioned the possibility of us getting back together. he is an avoidant by the way. anyways we talked for 4 hours about the relationship. He told me he was scared. I said we should meet at a cafe and we agreed to meet 2 days later. then the day before the meetup he did not answer my text and call when I wanted to figure out details . that night I saw a lengthy email. He said he didn't look upset but he didn't want to have the conversation we had the day I showed up. He wrote about the issues he had in the relationship about boundaries( mostly due to him not expressing them himself). He also wrote many beautiful things like he felt like us meeting and our connection was heaven sent and how he loves and cherishes our relationship and how I changed him. He said that he's not looking to be in a relationship right now because of where he is at in life and the hurt from the relationship. He felt inadequate when it came to money and he mentioned that as he is trying to be a full time musician and I expressed wanting a provider. He said he's not ready for marriage and kids etc. I'm 4 years older but was fine waiting on kids. Anyways the email sounded very final. He said he hopes and believe I'll find someone who can be what I need and he hopes one day he finds someone too. Also this is not the first time he had a 48 hour switch up. 2 days before our breakup he talked about engagement. Now after I met him again he wanted to try the relationship again jjust for him to email and say it's completely over. It's hard to move on because I know he loves me and I think he is scared and doesn't feel ready. He also unfollowed me on Facebook and Instagram after he sent the email. What do you think? Also do you think I should reply to his email and counter some of the false claims and share how I felt for him or should I stay silent?
Last updated on:2026-07-19T06:50:34+05:30
Comments (11)
i’ve been in that place where one beautiful conversation made me think “we’re finally finding our way back,” and then the person pulled away again.🥺
this is so relateable😭😭😔
i’ve had someone tell me they loved me and still choose distance because they weren’t ready. the hardest part was accepting that love and choosing you are two different things. i’d be careful chasing the version of him you saw in that hug, because his actions after that hug are telling you something too.
when he has these 48 hour switch ups, does he usually come back after the fear settles or has this pattern always ended with him pulling away?
so far he has just pulled away. I believe he was mostly still in the relief phase and slowly getting out of it after 4 months. I just couldn't take it anymore with no contact as I live 2 minutes away from him and he dumped me after talking about engagement.
Same situation like i can feel there's still something but they gave in to their fear and guilt of hurting us... we had a 10 hr meetup with my avoidant ex after 7 months post breakup. Everything went well and we almost feel like Us again and 1 week later he decided to distance again because im getting close💔 He acknowledge that despite everything i still choose him and he was thankful for that. I just dont get it why just whyy 💔😔
yeah, it's really the most confusing disorienting experience. Like loving them is normal but that is what scares them 😞💔
I can totally relate to your situation; my ex is an avoidant type, too. I completely understand what you’re saying, and I honestly find myself wondering: when—when will these people be ready to have a grounded relationship? Because, as you said, one moment they can be the best people in the world—making you feel like they’re ready, showing empathy, and sharing a deep conversation that gives you hope—and the next, it looks like they haven’t made any progress at all. That’s what makes it so difficult, personally—never knowing where you stand. I, too, hope that my path might cross with my ex’s again someday, though of course, you never really know.
right, I hope too for my ex but I also always fear I may be delusional. so many people don't understand dealing with an avoidant so it's hard to share with others because they see the ex's behavior and they just look at it at face value. while being the one who knows the ex you know they love you and so it just makes you feel crazy!
I love an avoidant so can completely relate to all of this. It is the hardest relationship I have been i because you know the love is really there, but they just dont have the capacity to commit. I don't think anything will change for them. as hard as it is, you have your answers and its probably time to start accepting and moving forward.
it's so hard loving an avoidant. Thanks for your advice.