I knew it would happen. I knew he was using me, I knew he didn’t like me like that. I knew he was just keeping me there. I don’t know why I let him. why I stayed through selfishness, through cheating, through numerous times while he didn’t choose me, discarded me whenever there were any inconvenience. I stayed. I knew he will run away the moment I start pressuring for more so I did pressure for more and he is gone now. But he still reaches out, trying to use me whenever he wants to. He doesn’t even hide the fact that for 2 years he just kept me but never loved me, valued me, adored me and still wants to do the same without the relationship tag now so that he can say well, we are broken up. I asked him not to talk, not to reach out. He crosses my boundaries whenever he wants. I want to block him but there are some financial things between us that’s why I don’t want to do this. I also don’t want to lose my money. He still ask for help as if I am entitled to help him. it rage me, it seems like a slap. He doesn’t acknowledge the pain, the heartbreak. He doesn’t have time for any of this because he is going through family stuff. 2 years of my life and he doesn’t have a mint to listen or say sorry for all the pain he caused. I wasn’t perfect but God I treated him well. I argued a lot because I wanted to be heard. I feel so numb and empty. I feel so stupid and unworthy. How can I let this happen for 2 years? How can someone not love you after 2 years of you doing everything for them. I feel lost. I feel like I can’t give myself permission to even mourn the relationship. I question myself who should I mourn, what should I mourn? A relationship which was never a real relationship or losing a person who didn’t give 2 f**ks about me. I don’t stalk him, I don’t want to talk to him and I don’t. But whenever he does it triggers me bad, specially when he ask for help. Like who do you think you are. it is a kind of pain I can’t explain. I need to forgive myself but I can’t. Each time I blame myself for the stupidity, for the dumbshit I did in the name of love. I am in a place where I can’t mourn, where I can’t forgive myself. I am just here. some nights feels heavy, some morning feels sad. I don’t want to be in this place.
Last updated on:2026-08-11T22:59:11+05:30
Comments (13)
i know that rage when they reach out asking for help after hurting you.
im so sorry u font deserve that
Thank you. I hope you are okay too
when he reaches out about the money or asks for help, do you feel like you’re pulled back into the relationship you’re trying so hard to leave?
I feel angry when he reach out for help. I guess part of me wants him to reach out because he loves me, he wants me not for the things I can do for him. He talks to me like nothing happened between us, as if he didn’t cause me the biggest heartbreak. He did so much damage but never apologized to me. I am not saying I am perfect, but still I was there for him through everything. I feel triggered and very sad. He owes me pretty good amount otherwise I wouldn’t cared about it tbh. I would have just disappeared from all these. I don’t want to be constantly reminded that he played me, never once chose me for 2 years
blaming myself because i stayed after seeing things that hurt me. i kept thinking every time i stayed was proof i was stupid, when really i was just hoping the person i loved would finally choose me.
Yes. I hoped every single day he would choose me, love me, see me how I saw him, be there for me like I was there for him. But it made him more entitled. I will never ever go down for anyone. Lesson learned. it’s just hurt. part of me wishes even recently he would realize what he have done but no!
im there with you. I think about leaving ND NY chest goes heavy I feel like im dying. Just have grace for yourself. I know mine uses me. it's comfortable tho even with everything he puts me through. I'll eventually have enough of it and leave. you'll wake up one day and forget him.
Please try to leave. Trust me, the more time you invest the more you will feel angry. I know it isn’t easy. i am praying and wishing both of us will get through this
Back then you didn't know any better, now you do. Be kind to yourself, you can mourn the part of the relationship where you hoped he would finally choose you. You have all the data on him now. Now is the time to move on, dont let him creep back into your life
Thank you. I am trying. I don’t have any urge to go back or stalk him like that. He just triggers me. Anytime he reaches out I behave differently and I don’t like that, it makes me angry that I go into that place of crying, disappointment when I know giving him these makes him think he still got me. I am trying though. The moment I get some of my money back I will stop talking to him all together. wish me luck. I wish you luck too.
i deel like sometimes we just love the feeling of love too much thaat we forget if this is even healthy anymore we just want to maintain that feeling even if it means hurting ourselfs
I know. I also surprised myself how much I just took. Like how did I become this person? it makes me angry that I still feel triggered whenever he say something, I still ask questions like why didn’t you choose me. I am like girl stop embarrassing yourself.