I think I am an anxious attached person. I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s day 3 after the breakup. Today is his birthday, so I sent him a message, thanked him for everything, and told him that I love him. I also told him that if he finds even the tiniest bit of hope for us, he shouldn’t push that feeling away and should come back to me so we can talk. He replied, thanked me for my kind words, and said that I should take care of myself first - not him, not everyone else, but myself. He said I should put myself and my needs first. And it hurt me. All I need is him. He was my priority for so long. I constantly blame myself for not being good enough for him, for not loving him enough, for not doing enough in the relationship. I also just chatted with his sister, and she said that he is doing just fine - more than fine. He’s buying new furniture, he’s always in a good mood, he’s happy, and he’s living his best life.
And here I am… crying, having panic attacks, creating different scenarios in my head about how we will get back together, imagining how I want to fix everything, and destroying myself emotionally. I just don’t know how to live with myself anymore. I don’t know how to understand why he is acting like this, why he seems to be living a happy life while I am grieving.
Men are so cruel…
Last updated on:2026-08-17T20:10:47+05:30
Comments (14)
i hurt myself so much trying to figure out why he seemed fine.
when did you stopped wondering? Did you feel better now after 40 days?
day 3 was brutal for me too. seeing my ex laugh and carry on while i could barely get through the day made me feel completely replaceable.
Are you feeling better now? I see you're on day 39
Please stop blaming yourself because u gave this relationship u r whole heart and loving deeply with a pure intention is never a flaw The truth is simple if a man genuinely loves u and wants to be with u he will go to war to make it happen He will not give u polite brush offs like take care of yourself You were enough and u are enough Right now it hurts but take his advice in a different way and turn all that incredible love u gave him back onto yourself You deserve someone who matches u r energy not someone who moves on like nothing happened
Thank you 🙏I just keep questioning why for him it was so easy to throw away 9 years, like month ago we were planning to get a dog, life seems fine, we were spending time as always, no fights and out of nowhere he is done, woke up and not feeling anything… Well I think maybe he was with this desition inside him long time ago and just now he finally decided, but it’s not fair, I thought we were partners and both could communicate, but oh well I was left just with fact that he don’t want me anymore
I feel the same...I am so sorry
Any advise to feel better? 😭
i know it feels impossible right now, but can you give yourself one day where you don’t check on how he’s doing or imagine what he’s feeling?
It's impossible, I'm very attached to him. I want to know what he's doing, how he feels, if he thinks about me. I understand that I'm hurting myself by thinking like that, because he really doesn't think about me, I've already received so many signals that I should let go, because I'm only hurting myself, but apparently I need more time, although it's been two weeks since the breakup, but it's only been 3 days since we been living separately, it's very difficult...
𝒊 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒄𝒓𝒖𝒆𝒍 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒖𝒓 𝒐𝒌𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒐
I don't know when I'll feel better.. it's very difficult now, I'm looking for a way to help myself. While watching the podcast, I got advice that you need to have no contact for 30 days, not look at photos, videos, his social networks, not interact with the environment that reminds you of him, any of his things, completely isolate yourself. And real relief should come after 11 weeks, if you manage to maintain all this, because then our body will start to form new habits without the old routine. I can’t be calm without him in day 3, I don’t know how to manage 11 weeks…
thank you for sharing that is painful. I find it hard to believe that when a person says i love you and then when they are needed most they turn their backs. You told him how you felt and I think it's good to let him know you're on his side. I am not good at heart break or advice I'm hurting and i can try to relate because it is painful 💔 and i feel like love is worth fighting for but it takes 2 to work
I just feel like I'm pouring my feelings and love into a broken glass, he decided he didn't need me, millions of thoughts are running through my head, I'm creating ideas for myself about his future, I understand that I'm doing wrong and I should be taking care of myself now, not what he's doing and how he feels, because he didn't care about my feelings at all, trusting a person so deeply and after all these years when I was forgiving him, supporting him, giving my all, he just simple left me, like it was most easiest thing to do and now he is living his best life