I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 years. We were both married before and when we first got together neither of us wanted to get married again. Over the years we’ve raised our kids together built a life and become a family. He even introduces me as his wife.
About a year ago I started thinking about what marriage might look like for us and mentioned it to him. It wasn’t a serious conversation or an argument. I honestly didn’t think much more about it.
When we first met I was a size 4. Over the last 11 years I’ve gained about 60 pounds. He’s gained weight too just not as much as I have.
Recently he made me a proposition: if I lose the weight he’ll marry me.
I took it really hard. He says it’s about wanting me to be healthier and that he was trying to motivate me to lose weight. I understand that being healthy is important and I know I could stand to lose weight. But that’s not what I hear when he says it.
All I hear is “I’ll marry you if you’re skinny” and “I love you but you’re getting too big for me.”
He admitted that he doesn’t like the weight I’ve gained and said that if I gain more it may become too much for him.
I’m really struggling to get past this. Sometimes it makes me so angry that he doesn’t seem to love me in the body I have now. I feel unattractive and ironically his comments have made me feel even less motivated to do anything about my weight.
It’s also affecting our sex life. I love sex but now I feel so self-conscious that I don’t even feel sexy anymore. He still wants intimacy but I’m just not interested. How can I feel sexy with someone who has made me feel like my body isn’t good enough for him?
What does this say about our relationship? If my weight keeps increasing could he eventually leave me because I’m no longer attractive enough for him?
I used to love my body and never thought anyone could make me feel this badly about it.
How do I move past what he said? And can I even get back to feeling comfortable and desirable around him?
Last updated on:2026-08-20T01:02:23+05:30
Comments (7)
Yeah, that would destroy my feelings. in the last while of our relationship my ex kept offering to pay for Ozempic for me (I didn’t ask him to). He recently lost a ton of weight, but I didn’t. So when he broke up I blamed myself a lot, but then I realised I would never have done that to him if things were the other way round. Mine was a ten year relationship so I know how hard it is to get over such a long one, but don’t keep questioning yourself and the relationship, take some time to heal and decide if you’d even want someone to treat you like that.
Im sorry youre going through this. That would hurt my feelings too ❤️🩹
You have to be nice to each other for s*xy time, and he isnt being nice ): if I were in the relationship personally, this would kill my libido and I would have to consider splitting. I would want someone who is so in love with my brain and spirit that the body is just an added bonus no matter what state its in.
If you can't move past what he said then leave him. Also if he loved you he wouldn't be trying to change you. If he is worried about your health there are other ways to say and go about that. You don't owe him your body or sexy time if he is the one who made you self concious about it.
Girl if he hasn’t married you in 11 years he’s not gonna marry you if you lose weight. He’s just moving the goalpost. And even if you lose weight he’d move the goalpost again and come up an another asinine request you have to do in order for him to marry you.
hell no. I've loved my partners no matter what their meat suit looked like or changed to, because I love more than just their body. You feel self conscious because you dont feel cherished or adored.
Man you just brought back memories of my ex. The one body part I was always self conscious of and always tried to hide, turned out to be his favourite part of me even though he never knew it was my biggest insecurity
Dump him lol