On Tuesday, I was really upset because he barely looked at me. We only made eye contact once that day, and I kept wondering, “What if he has completely let me go?” Just seeing him was triggering for me.
But today was different. Compared to Tuesday, I felt like he noticed me more. I wouldn’t say he was constantly watching me, but we made eye contact several times and I caught him looking at me a few times.
During our break, he sat next to me at a table for four. He could have easily sat across from me, but he chose to sit beside me.
At one point, I put my head down on the table and fell asleep. While I was asleep, I heard him talking to his friend and saying, “Bahar fell asleep.” It caught my attention that he was aware of me even though I wasn’t part of their conversation.
Another thing was that I genuinely felt better today. Since I started working out, my posture has improved and I was standing taller. I was communicating well with the athletes, I felt more comfortable doing my job, and overall, I probably looked happier. On Tuesday, I was completely focused on whether he was looking at me and why he wasn’t looking at my face. Today, I was much more focused on my work, communicating with people, and myself.
Maybe that was also one of the reasons he noticed me more today. I don’t want to interpret this as “he must still like me.” I just think there was a significant difference between how I was on Tuesday and how I was today.
Another interesting thing I noticed is that when I talk, he talks too, but when I don’t talk, he doesn’t either. It feels like he’s doing what I used to do. I used to wait for him to start talking, and when he did, I would respond. Now I feel like he’s adjusting his behavior based on mine.
But despite all of that, the most important thing for me is this:
I didn’t cry today.
It’s not because I don’t love him anymore. I still have feelings for him. I still notice his behavior, and I still wonder what he’s thinking. But today I saw him, did my job, talked to the athletes, carried myself well, and continued living my day.
A few days ago, I was saying, “My trigger is standing right in front of me at work.” Today, that same person was standing right in front of me, and I still didn’t lose myself.
I think I saw a small but very real sign that I’m healing. ❤️
By the way, I blocked him on TikTok yesterday because I didn’t want him to see my sad posts.
I dedicate the last song I posted to everyone here who is heartbroken despite still being in love: Olivia Rodrigo — Less.
Last updated on:2026-08-21T20:24:12+05:30
Comments (4)
this actually made me smile because i've had days where i walked into the same room as my ex and spent the whole time tracking his eyes instead of living my own life. whatever his looks meant today, you got something real out of it because you noticed yourself again.
do you think the biggest change today was that he noticed you more, or that you were finally paying attention to yourself more?
every glance feels like it means EVERYTHING and one day of him barely looking at you can wreck your whole mood. but that part about seeing him right in front of you and still doing your job, talking to people, and not crying? yeah, THAT is a big deal.
proud of you!!