It has been 33 days,
and I still wonder—
when does it get easier?
I knew you cheated,
even if you never admitted it.
I was the one who finally walked away,
yet somehow,
you left me carrying all the blame.
Four months before our wedding.
I was supposed to be counting down
the days until forever.
Instead,
I count the days since we ended.
I go to counseling.
I let myself cry.
I try to heal.
But God, it still hurts.
Some days, I hate you.
I hate what you did,
and I hate that I still remember
the person I loved
inside the person who hurt me.
I wish forgetting you were easy.
Maybe one day
I’ll stop counting the days.
Maybe one morning
I’ll wake up
and your absence will no longer hurt.
But today is day 33.
And today,
I am still learning
how to live without the future
I thought was mine.
Last updated on:2026-08-30T09:24:38+05:30
Comments (11)
hating my ex and missing him in the same breath. what helped me was letting myself have the ugly days without deciding they meant i wasn’t healing.
I agree with that. The past two days was the hardest since I was cleaning my stuff. Somehow, I got so many stuff from him
wondering why my heart still hurt when i was the one who finally walked away. 33 days is so little when you were grieving a whole future you thought you’d have.
that’s actually true ^^ a month is indeed still short time to finally forget the whole future that I dreamed of
you find yourself missing him more, or grieving the future you thought you were about to have?
It’s tricky. I miss both, but grieving of the relationship in the future is bigger than missing him.
it took me 10 months
has it get easier for you?
@holaitsme yes. I am fully healed
thank you for sharing your words are powerful
We are in this together. I hope you are able to find peace through your writing and can let "it" go in a healthy and constructive way. I was in my first relationship in 3 years and it lasted 3 weeks before she lost feelings for me. I make a lot of mistakes and I can't be forgiven so I learn my lesson and move forward. Not everyones the same, but it feels like it sometimes. i know boundaries are important and challenging because when boundaries are crossed space is needed to heal and tell our partner what is/isnt okay. know you are worthy, worthy of love worthy of respect and worthy of being cherished
thank you for your encouragement ^^ are u sure it was your mistake? maybe not fully your fault. yes, it is si hard when boundaries are crossed 😭 I am still healing from this. I really appreciate your message and hope you can heal as well ^^