Why am i always wanting to text my ex?

<copy from q*ora, reposted because this is really good>

Why we have to do no contact?
Simply put, because you can’t coerce your ex into caring about the fact that you would do anything for them if they just don’t care about it anymore.

You can’t talk them into wanting you again by begging for them to come back, by having them hear you out or by having healthy, open and rational discussions when they’re not open to this and don‘t feel it for you anymore.

Because things like love, respect, attraction and interest can’t be negotiated like how you would negotiate a business deal.

Thats just not how relationships work.

The fact that so many people can’t get their ex back despite chasing, begging and pleading a lot is the most obvious and undeniable empirical proof that this approach never works.

So, the only thing that can possibly create some positive changes and improve things after a breakup is a drastic change and improvement in the behavior on both sides.

And the thing is that many exes will not ever change/improve that unless and until they lose all access to you.

Because it’s a psychological fact that many people don’t want what comes easy to them. They will many times only change their behaviors when staying the same becomes more painful than the pain of change. It‘s just how many of us are wired.

They also forget, don’t know or never learned that relationships aren’t this thing that’s separate from us but, they’re a dynamic whose quality, strength and depth is determined by how we behave and what kind of decisions we make.

I.e. stupid or emotionally charged decisions as well as low status and toxic behaviors creates low quality, one-sided and toxic relationship dynamics.

Whereas wise and rational decisions as well as high status and healthy behaviors on both sides create high quality and healthy relationship dynamics that thrive.

And that’s what no contact may or may not help your ex realize.

You cutting the ties like that is essentially you saying:

'I respect your decision to leave. But, I can’t put my life on hold for you. Therefore, I’m choosing to remove myself from this dynamic. Not to punish you, not to manipulate you, but to protect my peace and to give myself the space I need to heal, reflect, and realign. If you ever change your mind, then I‘ll leave it up to you to come back. But I wont wait and can’t promise anything. Wishing you all the best and goodbye.‘

When you walk away like this, it ends things on a respectful note and keeps your self-respect intact while simultaneously eliminating all opportunities for your ex to manipulate or play you.

Where the only way they can get back into your life (if they choose to do so) is by approaching you with:

Authenticity
Respect
Improved behaviors that match your standards of a good relationship
It‘s a win-win situation where they get the breakup they wanted and you protect your inner peace because you don’t leave things up in the air but take back the power over the trajectory of your life post-breakup.

Last updated on:2026-09-10T04:16:42+05:30