The guy I’ve been dating for the past 6 months very much has avoidant attachment system. has anyone else had experience with this and what are ways you’ve handled it? or is it better to just move on because they won’t change their ways?
Last updated on:2026-09-30T21:10:05+05:30
Comments (11)
i can understand where someone’s distance comes from without waiting around for them to change.
i’ve been with someone who pulled away whenever things got deeper, and i spent way too much time wondering what i could do differently to make him stay. that push-pull hurt like hell because i cared so much and kept feeling like i was asking for too much.
That’s how I feel a lot of the time, too.
when he pulls away, does he actually come back and communicate with you, or are you usually the one trying to close the distance?
I would say it’s about 50/50. but there have been gaps where he won’t reach out for like 2 weeks. the problem is I’ll try to give him space when I think he wants it but then he doesn’t want it when I’m voluntarily giving it to him. he wants it on his terms without warning. and then definitely after an argument.
move on. the continuous cycle is so painful its not worth it. Love isn't enough
also curious for anyone who is avoidant, what their partners have done to help calm you?
hun your better off moving on. I hate to say it but hes going to end up breaking your heart because of issues hes never had to face. it doesnt mean he doesnt care for you now. its just how avoidants are.
he definitely has issues with “leaving” when things get hard or when I try to bring up an issue more than once.
@FlowState609 id take that as a sign hes not emotionally mature enough to have tough conversations to work them out. They dont change until they want to change. but dont be the building they tear down in their path to that. move on hun. its not worth trying to spend more months or years of your life "getting him to understand" if he shuts down during a hard conversation thats his way of showing you hes not ready.
@ALTxCUTIE It sucks when you read about all of these things like “that’s just how avoidants are but what matters is if they come back”. but at the same time, it’s like every time he leaves, what trust do I have that he won’t keep leaving? I also believe he does things to keep himself emotionally distant like follows a lot of girls on social media or likes photos of random girls he doesn’t know or maybe met one time in his entire life…knowing it makes me uncomfortable.