For anyone who didn’t see yesterday’s post: I have been trying to get myself out there and meet people instead of staying home alone. I had plans to go to an emo/metal event today with someone I was supposed to meet, but she unfortunately had to cancel for understandable reasons. We’ll meet another time, but it still feels really heavy because it brought back that feeling of “see..if you don’t have him you basically have no one to go out with.” I know that isn’t necessarily true but it’s hard not to feel that way right now. I feel like whether I go to this event or not is somehow determining my whole healing journey, which is probably irrational, but I’m being so stubborn about it. I’m willing to do basically whatever it takes to find someone to go with me because part of me feels like I’m losing to him if I don’t go. I don’t want this breakup to define my life. I just want my life back.
Last updated on:2026-09-27T09:49:11+05:30
Comments (4)
i’ve had that same stupid feeling where one cancelled plan suddenly felt like proof that my whole social life had disappeared with my ex. i remember sitting there thinking “see, this is what my life is now,” when really it was just one cancelled night.
i had to stop making every little decision a test of whether i was healing. missing one event didn’t mean my ex was winning or that i was going backwards, and once i stopped putting that pressure on myself, going out started feeling fun again instead of like something i had to prove.
i feel how badly you want your life back, but if you ended up staying home tonight, would you really be losing to him, or would that just be the breakup talking?
Honestly, maybe it is just the breakup talking. I know logically that staying home wouldn’t mean I’m losing, but emotionally it feels like I’d be letting the breakup take another thing from me..and it honestly took a lot already. I think I’m just desperate to prove to myself that I can still have a life without him.