Something I’m struggling to understand about myself rn is how much I’ve changed after and before the breakup. He always wanted me to drink and smoke with him, while I was pretty strongly against it. I tried to become more open to it, but always at my own pace. Towards the end, I suddenly pushed myself into it because I felt like it was my only chance to make things work. He still told me it was too late and i didn’t change fast enough.
Now that we’re broken up, instead of going back to my old morals, I’ve actually kept doing it and I’ve started enjoying drinking and going out. I don’t really know what phase I’m going through.. Sometimes it feels like I’m suddenly living the teenage life I never really had, and I’m not sure if that’s healing, rebellion, or just me figuring out who I am again.
Last updated on:2026-09-28T22:54:12+05:30
Comments (7)
for me, taking a week off from the nightlife and drinking helped me figure out if i was actually having fun or if i was just trying to prove something to a ghost. once you step back for a second, it gets way easier to tell what feels good for you and what is just coping.
i spent months doing things after my split that my old self never would have touched just trying to figure out who i was without my ex. my ex used to make me feel so boring for staying in, so when we ended i threw myself into partying just to prove to myself i could. it really feels so weird when you don't even recognize your own habits anymore.
you feel like you're actually enjoying yourself when you go out now, or is there a part of you still trying to show him you could change?
actually I'm just enjoying myself and having new experiences and it's not about him at all anymore.
i mean..as long as youre safe and having fun and not going to extremes i think its fine
you do realize thats just an excuse he used to break up and thats prolly not the legit reason
Yeah i know. there were many things going on, this was just one of his excuses to make me feel blamed i fear. Even if it wasn’t the main reason for the breakup, it still had an impact on me and I’m trying to understand where I go from here.