I love listening to podcast these days. I listen to Dr Tom Philps often because I really wanna improve myself to be a better person. One of his podcasts is about How to heal anxious attachment and stop attracting emotionally unavailable people:
Here is the summary of that. The most important part is how to be resilient and emotionally strong:
1. Understanding our body signals. When we meet that person for the first time, how do we feel? Excited? Afraid losing him? or what? We have to be aware of what our body signals. Sometimes, we mistake trauma bond as a chemistry.
2. How do we build tolerance for healthy love? Who are people in your life does show up for you? If we have parents who never truly present or attuned in our life, there will be probability we gonna meet someone who is emotionally unavailable. It is because we already used to with instability.
3. Meet people and be friends with people who are emotionally available, practice meeting people who always show up for you. Learn good habits from them. They are also human and not perfect. It would be nice to learn good aspects of them.
4. Working our nervous system through somatic and mindfulness. Secure people can also feel anxious, but they can regulate their emotions. If we train ourselves to be secure, we will try our best to soothe ourselves then make clear and better judgments.
5. Trust our feeling and intuition (believe ourselves when we feel something). Intuition is there because something is not right. We have to be aware how our body tells us then find out the fact, assumptions and feeling. Sometimes what we think is only our imagination^^
Good luck everyone!
Last updated on:2026-09-29T12:37:23+05:30
Comments (13)
what really changed things for me was making a list of three non-negotiables for how someone has to treat me, and the second they act emotionally unavailable, i force myself to stop chasing them. it feels super unnatural at first when you're used to instability, but holding that boundary is how you build trust with yourself.
Thank you for sharing. I was chasing before, but at least this time I was aware and put more boundaries and clear about what I want. I agree, it can be unnatural at the beginning ^^ Good luck on your healing journey ^^
wb an avoidant.. and avoidant attachment
avoidant also avoids emotional and vulnerability. so, they also in emotionally unavailable categories
@holaitsme yea but avoidants want love they just dont feel safe receiving it right
this post is so real, learning to spot the difference between genuine chemistry and a trauma bond literally saved my life after my ex kept pulling away and leaving me anxious. i used to mistake that chaotic, anxious butterfly feeling for passion, but really my body was just screaming at me that he wasn't safe.
I am at the point to stop entertaining this kind of person anymore. I was in the long term relationship and I don’t want this kind of love anymore. Me too, I used to mistake chaotic as love. Thank you for sharing your story ^^
which one of those 5 points felt like the biggest wake up call for you when you first listened to it?
maybe the first point^^ I didn’t remember how I felt at that time, but I had scarcity mindset? I hooked right away with him without realizing the consequences. I thought he was a secure person
thanks
Thank you so much for sharing this so gently. It feels really comforting to read and I know it's going to help someone feel less alone. Thank you for taking the time to write it. 🤍
thank you for reading 😁I found writing things help me to move on and cope with the situation ^^
@holaitsme You are welcome dear. I’m glad you found something that helps you cope. ❣️🫂