[writing helps me cope]
Day 72. I barely count the days anymore, but the pain has become physical recently. I’ve had headaches for days from crying. Some days I miss him terribly, while other days I hate him for becoming someone I never thought he would be. I keep wondering why he couldn’t just be the decent man I believed he was.
People around me keep telling me to meet someone else, as if someone I loved so deeply can simply be replaced. He wasn’t just someone I dated, he was my fiancé, my future, and someone I thought I would spend my life with. How can people can be so cruel too?
Seeing the narcissistic traits in his behavior made me realize I have to accept that this ending may be permanent. I’m not ready to replace him. I’m still grieving the person I loved and the future I thought we would have. But, I still choose to move forward and let him go. I don’t have to find the answer today, right?
What about you? Which grief stage are you?
Last updated on:2026-10-08T08:27:54+05:30
Comments (10)
when my engagement ended, my stomach was in knots for months and the constant headaches from crying had me feeling completely drained every single night. grieving the person you loved while hating who they turned into is such a heavy mind trip, and people telling you to just go date again have clearly never lost a whole future like that.
thank you, dear. that’s exactly how I felt and how I sometimes feel these days 😭 Sending many hugs for your healing and recovery 🤗
Before we broke up, he was already hurting me so much that I couldn't follow my routine anymore. I missed work because I couldn't get out of bed, and every time I had the energy to do something, I experienced tachycardia and shortness of breath.
I started therapy and nowadays I feel a little better and I'm slowly getting back into my routine.
I am so sorry to hear that, dear 😭 You are so brave that you can manage to get out from that unhealthy cycle. I am also doing therapy :) I am glad that you feel much better ^^ what helps you a lot to back to your routine?
on those days when the grief felt like a physical weight was putting absolute zero pressure on myself to move on or find answers. just let yourself grieve your fiancé and that lost future without feeling guilty for not being ready to swipe on apps or meet anyone new yet.
thank you ^^ I am trying my best to stay in the moment without burdening myself. sending you hugs for your recovery too 🤗
I am finally trying to let him go after he cheated on me multiple times and I stayed. but I feel like I’m failing because I cry daily and check if he is trying to reach out since he has reached out before and I was ignoring him. I don’t know why him finally deciding not to reach out anymore hurts me when it was one thing i’ve always wanted.
Dear, sending many hugs for you. It must be painful for you. I left the relationship without knowing if he was really involved in the infidelity or not, but I didn’t dare to ask. I hope you recover from the betrayal trauma. you really deserve better
have you been able to do anything gentle for yourself to help get some relief from those headache days?
Yes, I did. I took a rest, eat well and reduce my activity. Actually, it get better today ^^