Update on the whole situation because honestly, wtf.
So today he came to the flat while my das was there so he could get his stuff from there and give me my things back. And somehow, even though I explicitly told him I didn’t want any sentimental things returned, he gave back self-made gifts and other sentimental stuff, including a promise ring. Things that meant something to both of us and that I specifically said I didn’t want back. I genuinely don’t understand why he couldn’t just respect that one boundary.
He also didn’t give me back my jacket, forgot to return the key to my dad’s flat, and completely disregarded what I told him about not wanting to be blocked. I’d already explained that I wasn’t going to contact him and that I just didn’t want to be blocked. He still made it clear that he wanted to cut everything and the "enegy" off completely, regardless of how I felt about it.
And then, after apparently forgetting the key, he literally said something along the lines of: “If I forgot anything, I don’t care. I’ll send you the key tomorrow by post, and then it’s finally over.” Like??? Why was that last part even necessary? I know the relationship is over. I’ve been coming to terms with that myself. He didn’t need to throw that in my face in such a cold and unnecessarily hurtful way after everything he did was hurtful enough already.
At that point, I honestly exploded. I told him everything I’d been holding back. How he never seemed to respect my boundaries, how he always did whatever he wanted regardless of how it affected other people, how fucking selfish his behaviour was, and how sad it was that he was treating me this way after almost two years together. We used to feel like we were one soul, and now we can barely handle something as simple as exchanging our belongings without him making comments that are unnecessary hurtful and just evil.
I know I said some things out of anger, and I’m not pretending that I handled it perfectly. But I was so fucking hurt and frustrated. It felt like even at the very end, he couldn’t just listen to what I was asking for. I wasn’t asking him to get back together with me or stay in my life.(because i actually really don’t want him there)I just wanted him to respect my boundaries and treat me with a little bit of consideration. But deep down i knew he wouldn't because he never considered me much really. And honestly he can block me..i don't care anymore.
I told him that his behaviour was fucked up, that I genuinely believe he’s going to keep acting this way if he never reflects on himself, and that it’s sad because I really wish we could’ve handled this breakup fairly and ended things on friendly terms.
And honestly, that’s what hurts the most..I spent more than two years loving someone who couldn’t even show me basic consideration when it mattered.
I don’t know if I regret exploding or if I just feel sad that he pushed me and my empathy to a point where there is nothing left for him. I’m angry, hurt, and disappointed, and I hate that something that once meant so much to me has ended like this. And i hate that he is okay with that, i hate how easy it always has been to cut off ppl..and now even me. But he keeps complaining that no one stayed in his life..now i know why because even if someone gives him everything and shows him too much understandment and empathy it will never be enough for him and eventually he will drop them when they have a hard time.
Last updated on:2026-10-11T19:10:05+05:30
Comments (14)
greview@letitgo.care
gurl why does your ex sound like the fling I just had. When we were together this man was sweet, sure we had a moment here and there but when it ended, this man became cold. COLD. So damn cold that when I was giving an apology he said ‘Are you done? and ‘leave before my friend comes back.’
I too sent one of those ‘enlightening texts’ that you did verbally/via text. The one whereby you try with all the strength inside of you to hold up a mirror to them about their own behaviour, the impact of their behaviour, how they hurt you etc. It was such a SHOCK and I mean SHOCK how literally two days before the same man was telling me he loved me, and then a few days later he called me trash, a sad person with a sad life, didn’t give a shit about my apology when I literally attacked him after calling me trash, (I was drunk) neither did he give a ahir when I apologized the next day, and did not give even a morcel or a shit when I found out I was pregnant the next week!!
So now, it’s probably from age or maybe that book I told you about ‘codependent no more’ by Melodie Beetie, a book about emotionally immature parents, or probably a radical acceptance exercise I can send to you.
Basixalkh you ask yourself a set of questions. One, what am I struggling to accept? For me, it was ‘This person is not emotionally available or caring.’ That’s you not accepting when you keep trying to talk them into sanity. Then on a scale of one to five, five being fully accepted, 0, none, score yourself.
2. Notixe that you are not accepting this thing. Realize it. See yourself in your mind’s eye fighting it.
2. What are the causes of this thing I cannot accept. Thata when you ask yourself, why is this situation this way? Ok, maybe his model of emotional expression from his childhood isn’t the best. He is young and his brain isn’t developed. He has an avoidant attachment style. BRAINSTORM
3. Opposite action - how would I behave if I fully accepted this thing? Minw was ‘I would stop trying to explain myself to him’ etc
4. How can I cope when I am overwhelmed with not wanting to accept this? - I wrote go for a walk, delete his number, etc, BRAINSTORM
5. Then, in your minds eye, see the thing you need to accept. I always imagine a wave. a huge wave like a tsunami, with the thing I don’t want to accept. That wave is ‘Him being emotionally unavailable’ or ‘him being a poor communicator’ or ‘him not understanding me’ or ‘I hate my job’ lol whatever ur is I’m fighting. And I see the wave get closer and as it hits me I literally bow my head down (I do this with my eyes closed) Ans I feel it pass through my body, no resistance. I usually cry. A lot.
6. Then the last part is ‘what are the costs and benefits of not accepting this thing’
7. Finally, ask yourself again on the scale where you are in accepting.
I did this for this cold guy. I was so stuck on ‘How could he’ ‘I don’t understand why he doesn’t’ ‘How can he be so’ and the exercise helped me let go, and accept who he truly is.
Lastly, this man child with his very limited emotional tool box, is probably also grieving. People grieve differently. His stupid nonsensical behaviour is his way of fighting his grief. You are processing your grief now. Hiw might
his might come weeks or months later. Men usually process break ups differently than women. And girl don’t be surprised if he comes back in a few months saying he misses you and wants to get back together.
But the thing that makes me sad about this is how much of power you are rescinding in this. I really wish you would just block him, even if you don’t want to, and delete his number, because this wound can take years to heal if you don’t learn to stitch it up.
last thing I’ll say, he won’t block you. He is a man child. He is just toying with your emotions because he knows he can get under your skin. He is a man-child. You are the one that needs to block him. Gurl love yourself.
literally 😭 why do they switch up so hard after everything?? It's insane how someone who once loved you can suddenly act like you're nothing. And I'm sorry you had go go through this shit too.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this out! And thanks for the book recommendation, too. I'll definitely try the exercise because I think I'm slowly getting to the point where I need to accept that he's not the person I thought he was. And even if he's grieving in his own way, that doesn't excuse how he's treated me (or other ppl). I really appreciate you being so kind and sharing your experience with me. 🖤
@JoyGiver706 Haha we're actually both guys lol 😭😂 but I get what you mean! We definitely have very different ways of handling things and coping. He also comes from a difficult background and struggles with severe mental health issues, so I know there's probably a lot going on beneath the surface. That doesn't excuse how he treated me, though. I'm trying to accept that I can't control how he processes things, I can only focus on my own healing. And you're probably right about needing to let go instead of holding onto it. I'm blocked now anyway and have no interest in seeing nd hearing anything from him.
when my ex returned my stuff, he went out of his way to throw my handmade anniversary cards into a random plastic bag, fully knowing it would destroy me. watching someone you loved act so unnecessarily cold and evil just to show off how detached they are makes your skin crawl.
Literally i feel with you :( that is just pure evil
I remember exploding on people. It is justified until it is not. He does the opposite of what you want. I remember those romantic relationships as well. The ones where the guy was always against me and it felt like simple situations were made way more difficult than necessary. Now I take space, keep in control at all times, mainly because I know I can always leave and take space. Remember you are always free to remove yourself from situations and when a person is being difficult you will feel frustration in your body that is why you have to be the adult to take control in the dynamic. That is what has helped me. I am only human as are you we are not perfect I hope you are not hard on yourself. Also, the high tolerance you have for those that go against your boundaries most likely stems from your childhood possibly one or both of your parents. I recommend paying close attention to similar behaviors or feelings you experience with your ex and other romantic partners in the future.
don't feel a single drop of regret for exploding on him. when someone repeatedly steps on your boundaries and treats you like garbage, blowing up isn't a mistake, it's just your body finally refusing to take any more disrespect. letting him hear the raw truth about his selfish behavior was the best final statement you could have made.
does it feel like a weight lifted at all now that he's officially out of the flat and you don't have to keep pretending to be nice to him?
I don’t even know yet. I’m glad I won’t have to see his stuff around anymore because I think that’ll make it easier in the long run, but it’s still going to hurt.
Honestly, I’m glad he finally got to hear the truth instead of everyone handling him with kid gloves all the time. Let him be devastated by it if he wants, but he can’t treat people like shit and then act like it’s okay because he’s “protecting his peace.”
you are better off. will make no contact easy
Thy i mean he said he will block me anyway after he dropped off the key. so it won't even be possible to break nc