She ended our relationship a month and a half ago. 10 days after we broke up, she apologized, but I told her I didn't want to get back together.
My therapist and I identified a potentially terrifying pattern of manipulation, which may not be intentional, but it was hurting me a lot.
Yesterday, I had to block her because she keeps writing to me occasionally.
She's sure I've moved on, but the truth is, not a day goes by that I don't regret it and want to get back together.
It hurts so much to imagine her being sad, trying to reach out, needing a hug and someone to tell her how valuable she is, but I have to protect myself.
How can I protect myself without feeling like a monster for hurting her?
Last updated on:2026-03-30T13:44:14+05:30
Comments (7)
you feel like if you unblocked her or let her back in, you’d actually be okay… or would it just pull you right back into the same hurt again?
i had to walk away from someone i still loved because the way they treated me was messing with my head, and blocking them felt so cruel even though i knew i needed it… that guilt sticks around for a while
Totally feel ya. I'm haunted by the same picture of her being sad and needing me. What is this 'pattern' you speak of?
At one point, I felt that whenever I tried to talk about something that was hurting me, she couldn't be there because she was in crisis over something that I hadn't heard about before. This also prevented us from talking, and I ended up consoling her through her crisis. At my therapist's suggestion, I started a journal and was able to record 19 examples. In the end, the complex situations piled up; I couldn't talk about them and felt guilty for asking for anything I needed, thinking that she was always in some complicated situation I knew nothing about.
Then, by chance, I heard about DARVO, and I tried to talk to her about it, without accusing her of doing that to me, but knowing that something was wrong. And again, a crisis I hadn't heard about before came between us in that conversation.
I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose. Maybe he found it very difficult to have tough conversations, but that made me simply allow situations that hurt me a lot, where the responsibility wasn't only mine.
What was her reason for ending it & why is reconciliation not an option for you now?
Basically because I couldn't talked to her about what hurts me. Our last argument was because we had a role play game, with specific written aftercare rules that we both agreed previously and for a while we followed, but she ignored them (for a second time), and that was really painful for me. So l asked her to be physically present, to be with me since l needed support, but she disappeared for a week she came back and promised that she will be there for me and disappeared again another week. When she came back, she broke up with me saying that she didn't have what it takes to support me, that she really never felt part of our relationship, that I was asking too much from her and she didn't have that much to give me. I begged her and she said that it was for the best, so I just accepted it. 10 days after she came back saying that she would do whatever it takes to be with me, but I haven't change any of all those things I needs I have, that were too much for her, I was actually thinking that I was asking for too little, since I was usually scared of asking her for thing. So it hit me, I was asking for less that what I needed, but it was already too much for her, and if I ask for more. I will be punished. I can't go back to that
@VioletPink I want you to know that your feelings, wants, and needs matter. You are worthy of love and support, and you were not asking for too much—you were just asking the wrong person.
I’ve been through DARVO in my past relationship myself, and I know how exhausting it is to have your needs dismissed. It sounds like your partner may have attachment issues or conflict-avoidance that they need to work through with a professional, but that isn't on you to fix. You deserve a partner with the emotional availability to stay present when things get tough, rather than disappearing when you need them most.
I know how lonely and abandoned that feels, but please know you aren't alone. When I was navigating my own breakup, I found a set of boundaries that I eventually printed out and put on my wall. The list of boundaries reminded me what my basic needs were so I stopped settling for breadcrumbs. I hope they can help you, too:
My boundaries
1. I don't give girlfriend level access to someone who gives me casual effort
2. I don't participate in problems that they not willing to participate in solving themselves.
3. I walk away from inconsistency, mixed signals, emotional unavailability no matter how strong the chemistry
4. I express how I feel without apologizing for it And then I pay attention to who's willing to make space for me
5. I don't abandon myself to keep someone else in my life.
You should be so proud of the hard work you’re doing in therapy and the self-awareness you're showing. Not everyone is honest enough with themselves to do this work, but I promise it will pay off. You’re doing great.
I understand why you blocked you ex because I had to block mine too. It makes sense that you miss them because I miss my ex too.I was struggling to cope until I started a break up bootcamp course online which is embarrassing to admit but it is helping me find myself again. what did you
learn about yourself during the relationship and during the break up.