My closest friend and sometimes fuck buddy decided to have my ex at his HRT anniversary party and that that was more important than having me there because of their creative collaboration. which... he never asked me to collaborate in that way even though he knows I do performance art too which made me sad.
He really showed up for me when the rest of the community chose my ex even before the breakup, but I've really shown up for him too. I support him in being friends with her but I also expect some loyalty from my closest people and I told him I didn't feel comfortable with her being there and that I felt like she was trying to push me out of my one safe space.
He also said that he wanted her there because last year they did their hrt together at the party and he wants to do that again. But that feels shitty and gate keeping to me as I am also trans and have witnessed my friend more intimately in his transition on hrt than any other person. He has told me this. We have had deeply powerful experiences together around gender that I am certain that his connection with my ex does not compare to. she is just more charismatic and fun at a party.
Am I being controlling? Is it reasonable to want him to show more loyalty to our friendship? I know both can be true
Last updated on:2026-04-10T10:12:24+05:30
Comments (7)
I want Mt ex love back
I know ❤️ It's so so hard. I wish I could have the girl back that I met 4 years ago. I believe we will both get through this. but it really fucking hurts
you feel like he actually understood how deep this hit you, or did it get brushed off as you just being uncomfortable with your ex being there
in the end it just felt brushed off. He even acknowledged he was being a hypocrite
i hear you, and honestly i had to step back from that friend for a while because i kept waiting for loyalty that wasn’t showing up. not cutting them off forever, just giving myself space so i didn’t keep feeling second place.
yeah, I am needing that. He was my last major tie to that community so in some ways it's a relief to be able to take a break from all of the people who hurt me and focus on other connections.
i had a friend pick my ex for a group thing too and it felt like i got pushed out of my own safe space. i kept telling myself i was being “chill” about it but it actually HURT more than the breakup for a bit.