It's been almost 20 days no contact.
We're on good terms (both just too busy, long-distance), and I've been doing much better with all the space and time to think.
I don't want to rush him, I know he's overwhelmed with life and work etc... should I reach out after 30 days? A little longer?
Even just to apologise for if I made it harder, the intial post-breakup begging/questions that I regret... that sort of thing.
I want to be friends, and he said the same... He was the one who broke up with me, should I just wait for him to reach out when he's feeling better? Is it reasonable to expect (or at least request) closure/clarity?
Last updated on:2026-04-25T01:45:20+05:30
Comments (11)
every time i reached out to “apologise” it was really me trying to reconnect, and it set me back.
Of course I want to reconnect! I want to be friends, and keep things mature. Maybe I'm just misinterpreting mixed messages, but I am expecting to reconnect soon enough...
do you actually want friendship with him as he is now, or does a part of you still hope it turns back into something more
I just want to be friends.
I do love him, but it's on a genuine level, like I feel for my best friends. We didn't get too serious to the point where it's irredeemable, and if he did want to return to something romantic, I would be happy to do that. But I'm not fussed about the specifics, I just like spending time with him. No expectations.
i am in the same situation. he broke up with me because he could not handle being a partner anymore and did not feel like he had room for a girlfriend in his life anymore. it was completely out of the blue and i am heartbroken. he said he still wanted to be friends but that he could not/did not want to provide for me as a significant other any more. i told him not to reach out and that i would once i’ve healed and am ready to be just friends. i’m scared that i’m going to reach out too soon. i’m scared that i’m not going to take my healing seriously and that i’m going to rush it just because i know i’ll be able to talk to him once i say that i’m over him. i’m scared that i’m not going to give myself the respect i deserve.
My lovely I'm so sorry you're going through this too. It's been a little while for me, nearing two months since the breakup, before we went nc. It feels like forever. I didn't realise how much pain I was holding in before nc, and I've found it very cathartic to take that space to hurt and let it all out. It's horrible, but it's allowed me to heal and work on myself and my life. I'm still clearly attached and ruminating over it, since I'm posting on here over and over!
I realise the healing comes in waves, I'll think I'm fine and ready to talk, but then I find more and more to think about, more feelings I haven't explored. I suppose it's the stages of grief or something...
I'm glad he offered some explanation and closure for you, though I'm sure you'll have a lot of questions and realisations throughout the healing process.
If he's worth keeping as a friend, you can take all the time you need.
Set yourself a goal. 30 days is reasonable. You'll get through it one day at a time, and want to quit over and over. But it gets easier, and it really is worth the wait.
If at that point you don't feel ready, you can always reach out to talk and re-assess. The power here is in your hands.
And if you DO break nc early, it might delay your healing, but you'll be ok. You can always try again. Focus on yourself and your wellbeing.
@silly this means so much to me. thank you so much.
we’re on good terms” kind of breakup, wanting to reach out so bad just to fix how i acted at the end, like if i said the right thing it would settle everything
I don't want to change things, settle anything, beg for him to come back, I just want to handle things maturely and apologise for the things we haven't addressed... if nothing else, the closure of an honest conversation would be nice.
@silly that is completely understandable. i think as long as you are positive that closure is all you want and that you aren’t reaching out for reconciliation then it is okay to text and just apologize. if you aren’t positive, dont do it. i also think there is no harm in waiting for him to reach out first.
you got the end don't try
you are busy like him but still have time to think about him then he also has time he just moved on I was in the same situation Just like you and I regret now about every try I did