Yesterday was really hard. I cried and cried, my stomach was upset. Even to cool down while showering my emotions have piled up and I burst into crying. And I accidentally touch another gadget, and my hand just moved. My mind is kept wondering and kept asking for a relief. I stumbled upon her profile on TikTok, blocked from my brothers account. Thanks God that I blocked it, when I dediced to go No contact for me to heal and to move on. Only her profile is what I saw yesterday and I stop midway, I stop to go deep to check her profile. The fear crept in within me. The thoughts of maybe she is doing fine without me and with someone new. So I stop myself to open the wound again. And restart my No contact again. I hope this time I am strong to fight this urges and waves. I am not suppressing my emotions not to come out. I am only fighting the urges and waves. I am still healing the right way.
Last updated on:2026-04-29T23:04:03+05:30
Comments (5)
when you paused and pulled back from her profile, what did you feel more… fear of what you’d see or fear of losing her for real
i was treating those urges like waves, i didn’t fight the feeling but i refused the action. every time i didn’t check, i felt a tiny bit stronger.
Same here, even if still In love with her, I choose not to act. Controlling this urges and waves are part of healing. Even if it's so hard not see her, not to talk to her. For me , I am just scared of what I might see. I am not ready, I am still accepting it.
that moment you almost look and your whole body panics like you already know it’ll hurt. i used to spiral every time i checked, so the fact you STOPPED mid way… that’s not small.
so I am choosing my peace because I stopped myself ? I am still scared to see her happy and be with someone else, so instead of checking deeper , I stopped. I still want her but my heart and mind made me stop. I want to heal in a right they when I want to love again , I want to do it right. I mean I really gave a lot. Loving a fearful avoidant one is hard. So now I need to get out of the cycle I never created, I stepped myself on her pattern and cycle. I need to get myself out. So every small detail I saw about her , I need to restart my No contact. I was lucky that she is blocked, if not I may saw that make me spiral and will re open the wound.