I think im doing well in my healing journey. I spend time alone in nature, I go for long walks, I went back to the gym. I reach out to friends i havent spoken to for ages. I have moments of pure joy.
I am fully aware healing is not linear.
Yesterday I had a really long day. Started work at 7am, had a good day. Then had to rush home to be able to take my mum to her cardiologist appointment which we were informed she needed to go to hospital. During the 6hr wait, mentally I was fine, being present for my mum. She finally got admitted at midnight and once she settled in, I drove home.
During the drive I felt the wave of grief for my relationship. How it would have been nice to have him emotionally hold me whilst I process the stress of my mum being in hospital.
Today I miss him.
But also today I know for a fact he isn't coming back.
Today I miss his comfort.
But also today I know he never really chose me, when I chose him everyday we were together.
Today I am fully present for myself. I will hold myself, support myself and love myself.
I choose me.
Last updated on:2026-05-16T04:24:04+05:30
Comments (7)
i’m really glad you chose yourself today. that part where you said “he never really chose me” hurt to read. was there a moment in the relationship where you started feeling that shift happen?
honestly, I never really saw it until it ended. I was so in love with him that I was blinded by how he really treated me. He said all the right things and made me feel safe. He did lack capacity and thats why I waited, because the love felt so strong. But I never really saw how he treated me. He always kept me at arms length without fully letting me in. It ended with "i love you, but im afraid of commitment". It was there all along but I refused to see it, hoping he would finally choose me
had days exactly like this, where i felt strong all day and then the second i was alone the grief crashed into me
sitting in a hospital parking lot after my dad got admitted and the FIRST person i wanted to call was the guy who broke my heart. missing their comfort during scary moments is so real
exactly this. much love
it must have been hard not to reach out when you were in the hospital waiting room, I can relate to the feeling of wanting to let them in on what is happening in your life. you are doing amazing <3
I never really felt the need to reach out, but I just wished he was there. if that makes any sense